Taiwan Picture Post

taken at the national palace museum garden

i ate this like every night. omg, so good. (taipei 101 food court)

the view from where my dad went to elementary school.

the metro is awesome. and you thought you didn't have to wait anywhere else. and plus, there're flat screens with very attractive people on it (takeshi kaneshiro is so attractive).

Chan Kai Shek Memorial. Did you know he was a Christian? cool.

the worst food evar. don't ever eat this. it's steamed stinky tofu in pork blood. gross.

let's play a game. whoever can find the most errors in this passage wins!

this is my favorite picture from the trip. Taroko National Park

notice, 75% or us have cameras.

there's a pharmacy called ROS near Taiwan National University!!!!!! puaahaahaahaahaaa

where my dad went to college.

ok that's all. more to come later.

OMG

Dogs

I'm a dog person. The day a cat scratched me on the back of my hand, I became a dog person.

There's something about dogs that makes them almost infinitely lovable: their unswerving loyalty. The knowledge that this dog will love you, no matter what you do. That everytime you come home, that dog has been waiting for you, yearning for you to come home to play with it. That whenever an intruder walks through your front door, it will give up everything to protect you. It will love the things you love, whether it's food or people. That it will (kind of) listen to you if you've had a bad day, calm you down if you've had a stressful day and comfort you if your mood is on the downswing. Sometimes as a human, I don't understand this unconditional loyalty. I mean, just because I feed a dog food regularly would be ground for it to be so attached?

But the thing is, I value that. I value loyalty and it is something that (hopefully) the people I love feel they recieve from me.

Anyway, here's Taiwan, in a nutshell... (actually a small bean wrapped in rice dough covered in peanut flour).

I don't sleep on planes

or subways

or cafes

but for some reason I can sleep on cars, lawns and libraries.

But I don't sleep on planes. Instead, I watched Little Miss Sunshing (prepare to laugh your face off at the end), Miami Vice (bad movie with good looking people), read and finished The Kite Runner(Read it. it's worth reading, seriously), journaled and ate.

oh well.

to sleep I go!

Coming to you from

TAIWAN!!!!! ^_^

Where boba is dirt cheap, dogs pee on motorcycles and Jay Chou can't grow a mustache.

Wait, I take that back. Jay Chou can't grow a mustache anywhere.

Taiwan totally rocks.

The Joy of The Lord...

Is my Strength

Today, I accomplished something that I wanted to do since the beginning of the quarter. I shared it at Sonrise and it hasn't happened to me in such a long time. I laughed until my stomach hurt. We were seriously laughing for like 15 minutes just about one thing. But it was the best time. Thanks guys, for making me laugh so hard. And, Thanks God.

Since Saturday morning, I've felt joy. A stark contrast to Friday night which was drowned in sorrow. But this weekend has been good. Thanks everyone who participated, even on the phone.

This past quarter has been a test, and I passed it. There were no grades, there's no percentage. It's pass or not pass, and I passed. That's an awesome feeling that I can't contribute to myself. At the beginning of the quarter, I broke down in tears thinking I wouldn't be able to even survive the quarter, let alone finish it. During midterms, I seriously thought about just giving up and going home, taking the rest of the quarter off. But, by God's grace and strength, I actually finished the quarter doing almost just as well as I had been doing previously.

Today I had an epiphany on the BART. I've been watching Pride and Prejudice and in these women's lives, all they think about is marriage and the story kind of showed me how trivial sometimes that can be...but that was me. And then I started The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis and it showed me that there's nothing we can take to heaven. Just our actions and our souls. So on the BART, I became convinced that marriage, relationships and boys don't define me. They don't give me worth as a person and they most certainly do not get me into God's good graces in heaven. I already have all of that and my future/life is secure. It's secure. God gives and takes away. Everything is from Him and nothing is mine to keep or to claim as mine. The only thing I can do is to use everything that I have for God's Kingdom, for the spread of his good word and to have everyone I know come into a relationship with Jesus. In my status now, God has a plan for me, as a single woman. And I'm going to sure as heck find out what God wants me to do, and do it. Knowing and doing it would no doubt bring me the joy that comes only from the Almighty.

This weekend has been good.

Thanks God :)

Mr. Darcy

::swoon::

All the Colors of Emotion

1) Gosh, just because you drive a Mercedes and you're talking on your cell phone doesn't give you the right of way.
2) I totally bombed one of my finals. What's disappointing is that I thought I was going to do well in this class. Oh well, that teaches me to go to class. I need to move on from this. It's bothering me way to much.
3) I love how it's so cold that my lips are numb. The sharp cold makes everything else even sharper, like that line separating the sky and the ocean.
4) It's finals time and the monster has awoken. But this time a little more violently than usual and in other areas of my thoughts and behaviors. I need it to go away, it's too debilitating.
5) This quarter has been tough. I was thinking about taking the quarter off. Seriously.... Seriously! But I didn't and it's almost over. In September I said this quarter would be a test. Well, just one more day and we'll see how I did.
6) Excitement: Taiwan, Boston, Tahoe (x3),(maybe Yosemite), NYC, Big Red all in the next 8 months. :)
7) I need to let the grades go.

Walt Disney Concert Hall

Grace

The sky is grey and the light is far
The sea is a rage within my heart
I turn my sight to the crashing waves
I cry in the night just to be saved

I need eyes to be my guide
I need a voice that’s louder than mine
I need hope I need You
Cause I can’t do this alone

Grace I call Your name
Oh won’t Your smile fall over me
I’m cracked and dry on hands and knees
Oh sweet grace rain down on me I need You grace

I pray for dawn a new day to live
I pray for mercy only Jesus gives
Though darkness falls and a million cry
I believe over all there’s a greater light shining for us

Come down and save me

-Phil Wickham

Duets

John Legend went to UPenn!

I want to hear a collaboration between Alicia Keyes and John Legend. They're both have soul, they both play the piano and they're both beautiful people. Both of them have amazing lyrics and amazing songs.


My 2 very dear advisees, Cathy and Yenni. It's weird, they're both a year older than me, but I'm their advisor. But I love them. :)


Celebrated birthdays with Karen and Winnie at BOSS. It was a lot of fun except for some sleazballs who don't know what the cold shoulder means.

Whilst taking a study break, I went book shopping:
Life of Pi
Kite Runner
Anna Karenina

Besides Confessions these are the books I'll be reading to, in and from Asia in December.

Right now...88% of my family is in LA. My, oh, my I want to be there.

I can't wait.

Loneliness

Happy feet is opened today.

I should be happy. ecstatic.

But the thing is... I'm not.

Today I've been on the verge of tears. Gosh, I even got teary during an episode of scrubs.

You can be in a room full of people and feel completely lonely. You can be by yourself with no sound and have the presence of God with you.

I've been feeling so lonely lately.

At first I thought it was because I didn't have a boy. I always thought that being exclusive with a man would take away all my loneliness. That his complete attention, the fact that he felt like the luckiest person in the world just being with me would be the answer to the things I've been feeling for such a long time.

I see couples and I'm so jealous of their happiness and companionship.

Why is this such a big deal for me? Why is my happiness, security and identity based on one human being? But I've made so many mistakes and I keep wondering if I've thrown away people who I felt are really important to me.

mm...denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

The quarter's almost over. I can't wait.

Happy Feet!!!!

Good Hair Day

Yesterday, I took a shower at around 9:00pm and combed my hair. I went to sleep, got up this morning and brushed it in 2 seconds before I go to class and I get 5 compliments about how cute my hair looks.

Maybe I should do nothing with my hair every day. Maybe every day I'll have a good hair day.

In other news, it feels so good to be home. I haven't felt this good being home in a long time.

But I watched my first full episode of Grey's Anatomy...I actually like Scrubs better, so no more Meredith choosing McDreamy and who knows who's going to find out about Burk's injury, except maybe for George. The people on the show are too attractive to be real.

Anti-Stalking

Xanga has included an anti-stalking component to their website.

interesting...

the xanga community has just upped the challenge of stalking.

The Highlight of My week

Hello, I'm procrastinating....

but this is basically the highlight of my week 'cause it made me laugh.

Weight

Weight is a sensitive subject when it comes to girls.

In the past 3 months or so, I've lost 15 odd pounds. Thankfully, I've gained 2 of it back... yay.

But a part of me doesn't want to gain the weight back.

Why?

Because I'm scared boys won't like me if I get fat.

There are 2 views on my weight:
Me: I'm good like this. I like being this shape and size and I'm ugly if I gain more weight.
Family and Friends: I don't look good like this. I need to gain more weight, in fact, I'll look better if I gain more weight.

Here's the distortion:
My BMI is borderline underweight/normal.

From what I've gathered from the male population, thin is good. Boys are attracted to small girls. Here are some quotes from guys I know:
"The smaller the better"
"Size 0 is good, don't change."
"Size matters"
"I want to date someone thin."

I care too much about what people.... no scratch that. I care too much about what boys think of me.

I used to not care about my weight. I used to eat all you can eat hot pot without worries that I'm going to gain weight or that boys will think i'm unattractive.

Boys are stupid. Lets throw rocks at them.

I relish in the day when I'm not paranoid about gaining weight and not fearing that I'm ugly if I gain weight. That my worth is not contingent on how much I weigh or what boys think of my body shape.

I want to be content

Gimme some sugar

I love the holidays.

Why?

Because I can bake, and bake and bake and bake.

I just finished 2 pumpkin pies. One with a graham cracker crust, and one with a flaky pastry crust. Spiced up real nice with nutmeg, cloves, ginger, cinnamon.

I love the holidays. :)

This is pie #2 and #3.

Last week I made pie #1: a marbled pumpkin cheesecake with a gingersnap cookie and walnut crust.

Whoo!!! Thanksgiving and Christmas here we come! :)

because I need this

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
the Bible tells me so.

I love this picture.

attempting to be a rebel. we're not allowed to climb on these pillars, but oh well.

this is aileen.

Lighthouse, and bridge that has a 500lb capacity.

Gauging interest

Anyone interested in studying Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) with me? We can either meet up, or do internet chats or something fun like that. Let me know if you're interested!

The Perfect Engagement

I got the idea for the perfect engagement. (Future husband, if you're out there, please take notes).

It's sunset, or night time on a clear night. Beach, at lowtide.

Fire and ice or red rose petals and roses scattered around leading to the proposal area. Small tea lights illuminating the sand so the flames and shadows dance on the sand and water.

There's an area near the cliff. I'm bearfoot wearing something...casual/nice. He's bearfoot wearing something.... casual/nice. just finished dinner, or right before dinner at some restaurant that's sentimental. The proposal area has lots and lots of roses and tealights scattered around.

I either clam up or dump some verbal diarrhea. something like.. "WHAT THE HECK?!!!!" or "OH MY GOODNESS...." Of course the palms start sweating and we both can't stop smiling. He's nervous and fumbles for words and tries to either calm me down or ask me what i'm thinking. I'll proceed to say... "WHAT THE HECK?!" or "OH MY GOODNESS"

Then down on one knee, busting out some bling and ice. He asks, "Rosalyn (yes, please use my full name, makes it more official) will you marry me?"
I'll say... after a monumental 5 seconds that seems like an infinity, YES!!!!!

The End.

"I'm just a sentimental schmuck like all the flighty nitwits I'd always pitied. Funny how things turn out." -Kimmy from My Best Friend's Wedding

My thoughts exactly, Kimmy, my thoughts exactly.

Naked

Is there something in particular that you own that if you don't have it, you feel naked? (i.e. phone, watch, earrings, contacts.)

That's not what I wanted to talk about but, ::venting:: I LOST MY SWIMMING GEAR :(

Stupid me forgot to pack it up, and now someone is going around swimming in a blue speedo swimsuit with a tyr pair of googles and silicone swim cap. :( :( :( and i just got them less than a month ago. :( :( :(

boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

victim

I always thought, being the victim is always better than being the one at fault. Unfortunately, I took it to the extreme. That in every action, someone was out to get me, someone had a ill-willed statement/behavior towards me and that I didn't do anything and I was the victim.

Oh, how wrong I am.

Today, I was writing a letter in class. It's a letter I've been working on for the past week or so and while I was writing, something clicked. I thought, why am I always taking the victim position?

Here is the distortion:
1) not everyone is out to get me
2) i'm overlooking my own evilness in lashing out at other people.

There's a difference between being a martyr and hurting for a cause and being a baby and hurting at everything. There's a difference between feeling worthless and true humility.

Taking the position of "I am not the victim" solves a number of issues that I've been struggling with:
1) I personalize EVERYTHING. Every negative statement, comment, behavior is aimed at me and people are saying that I am a bad person. (that's overkill)
2) I have the choice to let certain things bother me, hurt me or anger me. I also have the choice to not be phased and to just be chill. (I vote for being chill)
3) I am not a helpless babe. (in both senses of the word, "babe.") My actions have consequences on others like others' actions have consequences on me. I can enact change.
4) I cannot expect other people to be phased by everything that I say. I hope to expect to be listened to, but my word isn't law. God's word is.
5) I don't need to seek retribution because I am not the victim. I am not helpless because I can give it all to God. I don't have the power to judge or to change people, but God has. (I call this in the pride of victimization. The thought is "they deserve to know what they did." Actually, no, I don't have the responsibility to tell them. It is the Holy Spirit that convicts and moves in the hearts of people, not me)

Something just clicked. It's going to come back, but I rejoice at the fact that this click happened. That I was convicted in my own sin and have action points to work on to improve.

Thanks God

India?

I know I'm being a little flighty, but how cool would it be to go to India? Really need to keep this in prayer, but it would be an AWESOME experience.

Program Details

yeah, prayer.

In other news, TAIWAN, HONG KONG!!!! ^_^ Winter 2006. VICTORY! :D <3 aZN prYdE~!

Pumpkin Patch Kids

The pumpkin patch across the street has now opened.

You know what that means...

PUMPKIN PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :)

The days of making a dozen pumpkin pies is now behind me and I'm a new pumpkin pie person. The old has gone the new, more inventive baker has arrived.

This year, I'm thinking flaky, crumbly crust with a slightly spicy pumpkin puree filling with a topping of chocolate mousse.

I'm so excited. :)

Thoughts on Family

I can't wait until Thanksgiving, then I can be official cool aunt/babysitter for the baby(boston). This new little addition to our family has proved to be most amusing and joyous (even though it's a dog). For an interesting view of animals, love and humanness please read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis.

But to be honest, I want to be a real aunt. (not giving you guys any pressure or anything), but I find the most joy when I am among children for several reasons: they're so cute, they give and take love freely, their lives are uncomplicated by the depravity of this world yet they are beings in themselves complicated and depraved. There's something about having a child respond to me that gives me confidence and joy knowing that I somehow insilled knowledge and amusement in a being separate from myself. I'm just waiting for a time when my sister will call us and tell us that they're having a baby. (again, no pressure... :P) and there will be this little person that we can all love because he/she is family and we love them and that makes them valuable.

Such is the love that God gives us. We are valued because God loves us. We are beautiful because God loves us.

Sometimes it is such a struggle to keep that at the forefront of my mind.

This is the love that we family members have for each other. Granted, the love that my parents have for each other is slightly different, but it is just as deep. My parents love me no matter what. It is unconditional. It is love in spite of the emotion, it is love in spite of the horrid changes in mood and it is love in spite of my own depravity and sin. I love my sister and I love my parents in the same way with the same depth. No one is perfect and no one can love fully, but I feel like the love from my family is the closest to God's love that I'll experience on earth and it is a little fingerprint of how much God loves me.

I dunno what it is, but I feel in such a hurry to love someone like my mom loves my dad and to love someone like my mom loves me. But I guess this is not the time yet. Now is the time to accept and to love those already close to me.

But I so excited for the day that I'm loved as much and as deeply like my dad loves my mom and I can give love like my parents have given me.

Simplicity

tagged by Jaysha and Jessycho

10 Simple Pleasures
Falling asleep right away and waking up refreshed after x hours.
Reeses mini peanut butter cups and cheezits
the peace that comes with prayer
that one look, smile, word, touch from that special someone that immediately puts your nerves at ease
cleanly threaded eyebrows
Cal moving up in the national rankings (Go Bears!)
Sharing a meal with family
Knowing that God will sustain me through today, just today
Capturing the perfect photographic shot
A clean, warm towel fresh out of the dryer

I tag: BabyBoston

Suppose

Suppose you were hanging on to the end of a tree branch and it starts to crack. There's mist all around and there's no way to get up. You don't know how far the fall is, but you know it's the only way you can go. God is telling you to let go. Would you?

God, show me how deep this canyon is.

Time Takes It's Toll on Us

Have I become a soul so numb
All to familiar
Words of gold have all grown cold
Over and over
I need to see you in the sonrise

Time takes its toll on us
And it tries its best just to steal our love
And we bend and we break but we odn't give up
Time takes it's tol on us

From the start you touched my heart
And turned it in to something more
Beautiful, you're beautiful
So why does it have to be so hard
to see you in the sonrise...

randumb list of stuff

1) Darren Hayes (the lead singer of savage garden) is GAY!!!!

2) check this out.

3) i'm obsessed with looking at puppy pictures and saying "you're so cute" to a computer screen.

4) BEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! bebobebobebobebobebobebobebobebo
BEBO!!!!!! (new album out now.)

The album is amazing. Amazing. And he's on tour with Aaron Shust. That makes me a sad that he won't be in the bay area.

TGIF

This year is going to take a lot out of me. Not being negative, just being real. BUT, it could be very rewarding, we'll see.

I feel like that's been a mantra these days, "we'll see" (among many other things).

This quarter will be a test. If you remember, ask me how I did in December, we'll see.

The apprehension and panic from the night before school starting has turned into mild excitement for some classes and serious concern for other classes. Finally learning what these little pills ACTUALLY do, finally things are coming together little by little.

This quarter will be hard. I will work harder than I've ever worked before, but take heart, we will find a respit in the torrents of school. Where? I dunno.

We'll see.

epiphany

lately i've been struggling with feeling invisible. Like i'm not out there enough for people to notice me, not beautiful enough, not outspoken enough, not smart enough, not enough of a leader.

But something totally cool happened this morning right when I wake up. It was like God planting a thought in my head that was positive: He anointed David who wasn't the most obvious candidate for king. All of his older brothers appeared stronger, bigger, more kingly, but God chose David. Why? Because of his heart.

"Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

kind of nice.


So lately I've been laying low, and I have no social stories to share, but my dreams have been the most shareworthy. Here's a dream I had last night.

So a couple friends and I are in Yosemite and we're in bunks on the north wall of a cabin. But the cabin looks like a visitor center, so there are rangers walking around. So i'm on the top bunk (i love top bunks) with my sleeping bag and mumford. The ranger is talking to us about protecting ourselves and something about steve irwin, and suddenly this huge bear comes in and lunges straight for mumford. At this point i'm freaking out. For those of you who don't know mumford, he's the penguin that DJ gave me for christmas one time. I sleep with him everynight (yes I know i'm a grown adult, but whatever, I still love my mumford) who's a wannabe teddy bear. He has this hat that has ears and is holding this teddy bear. so he's like a teddy bear. So after the ranger diverts the bear, he explains, "wow, Harold (the king of the grizzly bears) is really sensitive to things that look like bears, so you better protect that little animal of yours. So basically I stuff mumford head first into my rolled up sleeping bag head first to hide his bear-ness. And then the dream goes on, but it's not interesting enough to share.

so random.

Aiyo, wo de tian ah!

Rewind 36.5 hours...
September 7, 2006
2:10pm-leave for work
11:45pm-get home from work
Sepbember 8, 2006
1:00am-sleep
9:30am-wake up
11:15am-leave for work
8:30pm-get off work, start driving to LA
September 9, 2006
1:30-Miss the 5 to 405 interchange
2:10-Accident on 110 Freeway
2:20-110 to 405 interchange closed, exit 190th
2:30 get home.
Now: Sleep >_<

The Superficial

I finally got off my butt this weekend to do something semi-productive...and superficial.

Needed a change.

Roz: I'm going to dye my hair
Mom: What color?
Roz: Red
Mom: Ok, will it show up?
Roz: I dunno, we'll see.
Dad: I can help you dye your hair. If you use a comb, it'll dye more evenly.

That's right. When you've lived in a household with all women for 20+ years, this is the only way to bond. I could have gone with him to a Laker's Game at the Staples Center (too expensive), or hiking in Yosemite, but nope, my dad offered to help me dye my hair. Men who were born into families of all men have no idea what I'm talking about, but if you have all daughters, this is what could happen to you. Not to say it's a bad thing. (hey, if you can't beat them, join them)

So now my hair is black with a little bit of red. Not much of a change, but it shows up in the sun.

More superficial

I had this dream. One of my friends mentioned that you can get a free makeover at this spa. I forgot the store name. So I walk into a mall that looks a lot like the San Francisco Centre (the one from Powell BART) and ask someone where the store is. (Gosh, the storename is on the tip of my tongue). We're in a group (of boys and girls from SFC all going to get our makeup done. boys and girls, getting makeup done). So basically we're told to go into an elevator to level D. So I walk into this hallway that looks like the stairwell in Mulberry Union kind of dark and grungy waiting for the elevator. Some faceless people come out and they look like they had a little too much smokey eyes. Some of these elevators look like escalators, and they repeat. Some go to different places, some go to level D. So I take the D elevator (one that looks almost exactly like the elevators in the Units at Berkeley). I think I'm by myself at this point.

I turn the corner and find the store. I walk in and it kind of looks like a mix of Crepevine on Irving St. and Cafe Intermezzo on Telegraph Ave. Instead of menus on the walls, they offer massages, spa treatments, salt rubs (for people?), makeovers and other girly stuff people do at day spas. The setting is REALLY nice, lots of wood, soft lighting and there are a lot of people, from UCSF. Weird. So there's this med student who got a salt rub and said it was REALLY GOOD. And the lady behind the counter said they had a 1/2 hour free RIGHT NOW and I could take it. I wonder, but i'm here for the free makeup, but hey, I need some relaxing, might as well go with the salt rub. This is my first salt rub and if they had this in real life i'd totally do it. So first, I had to wash the makeup off my face, then basically oil down with some scented aromatherapy that I can actually still smell. Smells kind of like plumeria and jasmine. And I'm told to lie down on what looks like a hollowed out plane engine with steam coming through vents and a bench to lie down on. I say, I've never done this before. And the attendant says, don't worry, it's great. They put some sort of salt/oil mixture that smells like lavender and I strap myself onto this bench. And away we go.

It feels like I'm on a rollercoaster because the steam cylinder is swinging inside the store, but it's so relaxing. After it's finished, I come out feeling kind of sandy all over but very very relaxed and they soak me with alabaster oil to wash off the salt. Then they cover me with more salt that smells heavenly.

Then I start dreaming of something else. I think it might have been some food.

Patterns

Reading over old journal entries is quite interesting, quite humbling. The acute-ness has officially ended, and it is now time to evaluate and form habits that are life-long. I've noticed some patterns in my behavior over the years

1) I tend to cling on to God 100% when things are not going well. That's when I'm not aware of the grace and love from above and I more fervently search for it. It's not that it's not there, but I try harder when times are hard for God. Does that make sense?

Corollary: I tend to cling on to God less when things are going well, or when I "have the power to change things or I can take control. I suppose that's very common.

2) I'm a stubbourn ass. Talk to my friends, I won't even take advil even though I'm in bed, writhing in pain. That has changed. If I'm being stubbourn, let me know.

3) There are lessons that I've learned that I've forgotten. Valuable lessons, lessons that are so easily forgotten when one takes things for granted and also when someone is a stubbourn ass. I was taught that when you make a mistake, you learn from it and don't make the mistake again. Well, that lesson has not stuck. I've made mistakes over and over and over again only to find myself making all the same mistakes. (hm... negative thinking...) But it is God who can change me. Change is hard, change takes effort, but by the nudging of the Holy Spirit is a human soul prompted to change. Change doesn't occur overnight. It's one day at at time... one breath, step, blink of an eye at a time.

4) Taking a risk to bring up something potentially difficult with someone is therapeutic. Keeping it inside and letting it fester is cancerous just because you don't want to rock the boat. I've learned the value of voice, and making it heard.

5) I think too much. Even at this moment, I'm thinking. Thinking can be dangerous. It can lead to a slippery slope in 2 ways: positive or negative. Need to catch those thoughts before the enter the cycle. The farther down the path they go, the harder it is to come out of it.

6) If I think about t=2 years from now or even 1 month from now, I know I'm going to start freaking out. Worry is a demon that must be slain. Worry is a sin that can be overcome and forgiven.

7) Mulling over things will not change them. I mull a lot. I mull a lot because I'm a stubbourn ass. But mulling over things will not change them. There are so many other productive things to do than to just sit on the butt thinking about something I can't change.

Anyway, It's a beautiful day today in the City. Positive thought of the day: I love San Francisco. It is a beautiful city that I've been calling home. At anytime, anywhere in the city there is a whole range of human emotion and interaction. The extent of man's depravity can be seen in this City, but at the same time, God's work of redemption screams volumes, too.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
1 John 4:18

Family

Meet the newest member of my family, my "nephew"

Bookworm

Tagged by paulinechu

One book...

that changed your life...



that you've read more than once...



that you'd want on a deserted island...



that made you laugh...



that made you cry...



that you wish you had written...



that you wish had never been written...



that you're currently reading...



that you've been meaning to read...



that you haven't been able to get through no matter how many times you've started it...



I tag: Christina and Jeff

Charity

"This is what comes, he says, of giving one's heart to anything but God. All human beings pass away. Do not let your happiness depend on something you may lose. If love is to be a blessing, not a misery, it must be for the only Beloved who will never pass away."

"There is no escape along the lines St. Augustine suggests. Nore along any other lines. There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entaglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket -- safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

-C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

drifting

I'm hanging onto God's word because I feel as though I can't hang on to anything else.

Over the years, my soul has accumulated so many cobwebs, that the only thing I feel now, is old sadness spinning so thick that I'm suffocating in it. I have come across demons and fears that have found me and stayed with me since early childhood. Those are the hardest to shake because they've woven themselves into my character. My own sinfulness has barred me from feeling the ultimate joy from God.

My dad was praying the other day, "because of You, Jesus, we are good and we deserve good things." The gospel gives hope, and I can slowly feel it percolating through the cobwebs, but at the same time, the long lost emotions are so overwhelming, I'm afraid to face them, I only want to bury them deep and wait only to have them surface again to haunt me.

David writes "But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers." (Psalm 1:2-3)

That's the goal. To delight and meditate everything that comes from God.
I'm that tree, the pain now is from pruning, because God wants to make me better. The storms will make me stronger and bring water that will make me grow. I will bear fruit during my season, when I am ready, I will be strong, I will provide shade for others and I will be resilient. Such a long road ahead, but that's the goal.

One minute yesterday, two minutes today

On the plane today, something happened. I was motivated to do something, to journal. I feel as though I've been wrestling with the demons in my head for so long that it's about to explode. I'm afraid to let it all out for fear that they'll make me less of a person. But it's gotten to the point where I'm consumed with myself and my thoughts that I have nothing to give others, especially those close to me, for that I am truly sorry.

Time to heal...

How much time? How hard will it be?

There's so much uncertainty in the future, but I am more than ever determined to slay that monster that has screwed me over.

God, gird me with your strength. Without you, I am nothing, powerless. I haven't even had the strength to get out of the bed in the morning. Bring the hope that comes only from you. Amen

My first A's Game

Pannyun's Wedding (Friend/Classmate)

Sarah and Victor's Wedding. (but this is Andrew and Kelly)

Bye, Jeff, I'm really gonna miss you.

my latest creation.

Home

"Home is the center of my being where I can hear the voice that says, "you are my beloved in whom I am well pleased". Jesus made it clear that the same voice that he heard in the Jordan River and on Mount Tabor can be heard by me. He makes it clear that there is a home with the Father. But if I decide to keep control, if I go out into the world, I will keep running around asking everything, "Do you really love me?" I give all the power to the voices of the world. It is the world that defines me then. The world's love is full of ifs, 'yes I love you if you are good-looking, if you are intelligent, if you are well off, if you are educated, if you have connections, if you are productive'...endless ifs and it is not too hard to know when I have left home spiritually. Resentment, jealousy, desire for revenge, lust, greed, ambition, rivalry are all obvious signs that I have left home, that I am letting the world define me with its love full of ifs. But when I an home with the Father then I know I am the beloved, I can confront and console and admonish without any fear of rejection or need for affirmation, and I can suffer persecution without the need for revenge or recieve praise without using it as proof of my goodness."
-Henri Nouwen, Return of the Prdigal Son

I've finished memoirs of a Geisha. It's so good. Highly recommended.

Spellcheck on Aisle 1

Go to the 4th and Market Walgreens and look at what they have on aisle 1....i'll do something nice for you if you tell me what's amusing about it.

Not finished yet...

There's this plaque that says, "Please be patient, God isn't finished with me yet..."

God has been teaching me that perfection isn't expected nor is it required.

When Jill Goodachre asks Chandler if he wants a piece of gum when they're trapped in the ATM vestibule, he responds with, "that would be perfection..."

I wish so many times I could say that about myself. "I'm perfection..." But ALL the time, I come up short and end up disappointing myself. I know how self absorbed this may sound to all of you, but I expect perfection from myself. My family and my closest friends can attest to that.

How liberating would it be to think, I'm not perfect, I'm not God and I can't do/be everything to everyone. Seems like such a basic lesson, but I am far from mastering it.

It's such a beautiful day outside. On no grounds is that my doing. God makes the weather change.

I think I also struggle with NOT trying to be perfect because I think it's just a cop out way to live, no effort needed. I guess that's my hubris. Where the balance?

I confess this irreverent attitude. Father, please forgive the behavior and the attitude that has been taken to the extreme, amen.

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

July 4th Weekend

I'm still alive!!!
Last week, I went to Boston

With this guy...

to see these guys. And we...

Went shopping and looked at painted cows...

had a picnic in the public garden...

walked the freedom trail

had dinner in the north end (this place is GOOOOOD and cheap) and mike's pastry's canoli

explored lexington and concord

heard aerosmith play with the boston pops, walked on storrow drive...

watched the fireworks on the charles river

and i love this bumper sticker, haahaa.
We also went to Chowderfest and other places, but it was just nice to be with family. :)

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

1) I've decided I like long hair, so therefore I will keep the length.
2) too much sleep can be dangerous. i can feel the lbs making me bigger.
3) can't wait to go to Boston next week. :)
4) work sucks the energy out of you.
5) i've been eyeing this kate spade bag on ebay. search kate spade maddie dot noel and you'll find it. it's been about a month or so and the price still hasn't gone down.
6) i'm getting a bit bored. but not really wanting to do anything except sleep, but I've slept too much.

functioning member of society

Hello from beyond the counter.

Buy Walgreens Brand so they can pay me more!

I finally get to do stuff that I didn't get to do as a clerk... like handle percocet, and amphetamines. Fun stuff.

I have new respect for pharmacists and technicians. Things are busier than they seem from beyond the counter. It's like a duck. You THINK it's just sitting in water, but it's paddling away so fervently that you'd think it's little legs can't possibly keep it afloat.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer gives an AMAZING treatment of Matthew 5-7 (Sermon on the Mount). Really, amazing. A new perspective on fixing my eyes on Jesus.

My commute is the reason why I came to San Francisco to live. I pass Golden Gate Park, UC Med Center, Haight Ashbury, Pacific Heights and the Presidio on my way to work. I see the Golden Gate bridge, Palace of Fine Arts, DeYoung and Downtown. I feel so lucky to live in the City.

Remember: BUY WALGREEN'S BRAND!

Cheesecake

As many know, i am VERY proud of my new york cheesecake. And I've been on a quest for the last two years to perfect that very cheesecake that I sought out to make (which turned out to be a failure) that first time. Those of you at 2520 College Ave. can attest to that. But alas, I think I may have found the crack-free perfection that I've been looking for.

Tips for cheesecake:
-you don't need to grind the graham cracker crust to a powder. The small chunks actually give the cheesecake texture.
-don't overbeat. This will introduce too much air into the cake and actually make it stiff. we don't want that, even though cakes are supposed to be airy.
-when baking, place a small bowl of water alongside it. This will prevent cracking, too.

People work in labs to find proteins, I'm working in a kitchen to find the perfect cheesecake.

Points of Future exploration:
Chocolate flavored graham cracker crust
fruit puree marbled cake
oreo cheesecake
chocolate mousse cheesecake
making glaze for the topping instead of fresh fruit (glaze with fresh fruit.. that sounds good, too)

Rosalyn is... SO SICK OF STUDYING

I'm excited about the summer.
Home, Boston, Work.

Not just regular ordinary work, REAL PHARMASYCIAN work. Fun stuff. I've decided to stay up here for the summer in case you didn't know already, but yup, I'll be working for Walgreens in the City. The cool thing is its only one busline away and so I'll have time in my morning and afternoon commute to read. (YAY!)

Here are some books that I want to read (finish) over the summer:
Cost of Discipleship
The Penelopiad - Margaret Atwood
Memoirs of a Geisha
The Four Loves - C.S. Lewis
Miracles - C.S. Lewis
Confessions - St. Augustine
The Great Divorce - C.S. Lewis

Not to mention at least one of Modern Library's Top 100 of the 20th Century.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Party Teaser

How YOU doin'?

i KNOW!

Could i BE wearin' anymore clothes?

Smelly cat, smmmmmmelly cat what are they feeding you?

are Ross and Rachel going to end up together?


Get ready.

Summer 2006

Burnout

I'm looking forward to the end of school. End of the school year, end of school, anything that will put an end to this madness.

yes THAT'S RIGHT. It's finals time and the monster has been awoken.

There's got to be a way to lessen the stress of finals. There's a balance between studying your hardest and needing time to yourself, and studying so hard that you're mean to everyone, never smiling and that vein popping out bigger than ever.

::sigh:: i wish this school were on semester system. :(

There was one morning this quarter, though that I felt like was a victory. I woke up in a panic needing to study, but halfway through the day, I thought, Jesus is my example. (you'd think i'd learn by now... obviously not.) There are things in the world that will kill you, take away your livelihood and separate you from everything good and pure. Studying is NOT one of them. Jesus never worried about what people thought of him, judgements that people passed about him or his worth. He knew that he was the Messiah, the Son of God, the One who would save us all and give us salvation. There was no worrying about what he came to do and the enormous pain that lay ahead. His prayers in the Garden of Gethsemane were productive in that whatever was to become of him, he would bring them all to the father instead of running away, trying to fix everything do damage control and have some major PR campaign. No, he prayed.

In desparate need of the Father.

Winery Reviews

A couple weeks ago, we went to Napa for my first winetasting experience. It's one of those romantic places where people propose. (according to websites :P). After scouring google and other internet search sites, we made 3 stops (mostly because they were cheap and serendipidously we covered a wide range of different types of wineries...SCORE!

Stop 1: Clos Du Val

This is a much smaller winery compared to the rest but the good thing is it has a picnic area where you can enjoy the sun. Also the swallows were nesting, so it added a nice touch to the country ambiance. We got free tasting with the purchase of wines, so I decided to get a couple small bottles.

The winery seems like it specialized in the Cabernet Sauvignon. Tasted mostly new wines, but I tended to like the lighter wines, with less tannins. If you get can, try to go on a weekday because it gets really crowded on the weekend.

Their website: www.closduval.com

Stop 2: Robert Mondavi

This is a beautiful winery. Best if photographed in the morning, but nevertheless, the winery grounds are very well kept and adds to the winetasting experience. Their wines here are very diverse and my favorite was the dessert wine. I forgot what it was called, but it tasted like alcoholic grape juice.

Tip for this one: each wine tasting is only that, it's a 2oz tasting of a single wine. If you want to taste more, you need to pay for more. Luckily, there are 2for1 coupons on the internet if you'd like to taste more.

Their Website: www.robertmondavi.com

Stop 3: Domaine Chandon

This winery was much more commercialized. It's nestled in hills and the parking lot was almost full of tour buses. This is definitely a date place with quiet secluded areas for that all nervous DTR. (and guys, if you like the girl and the girl likes you, you'll DEFINITELY score points with winetasting as the first date, but enjoy responsibly.)

This place specializes in sparkling wines, but you also have the choice of still wines. This winery, too, has 2for1 online discounts, you just have to look for it. Also, they have different tasting series in which you can choose.
Their website: www.domainechandon.com

More random pictures:
The bar at stop 3, Domaine Chandon
Vineyards at Clos du Val.
Greek influence/ambiance at Robert Mondavi.