I can't wait until Thanksgiving, then I can be official cool aunt/babysitter for the baby(boston). This new little addition to our family has proved to be most amusing and joyous (even though it's a dog). For an interesting view of animals, love and humanness please read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis.
But to be honest, I want to be a real aunt. (not giving you guys any pressure or anything), but I find the most joy when I am among children for several reasons: they're so cute, they give and take love freely, their lives are uncomplicated by the depravity of this world yet they are beings in themselves complicated and depraved. There's something about having a child respond to me that gives me confidence and joy knowing that I somehow insilled knowledge and amusement in a being separate from myself. I'm just waiting for a time when my sister will call us and tell us that they're having a baby. (again, no pressure... :P) and there will be this little person that we can all love because he/she is family and we love them and that makes them valuable.
Such is the love that God gives us. We are valued because God loves us. We are beautiful because God loves us.
Sometimes it is such a struggle to keep that at the forefront of my mind.
This is the love that we family members have for each other. Granted, the love that my parents have for each other is slightly different, but it is just as deep. My parents love me no matter what. It is unconditional. It is love in spite of the emotion, it is love in spite of the horrid changes in mood and it is love in spite of my own depravity and sin. I love my sister and I love my parents in the same way with the same depth. No one is perfect and no one can love fully, but I feel like the love from my family is the closest to God's love that I'll experience on earth and it is a little fingerprint of how much God loves me.
I dunno what it is, but I feel in such a hurry to love someone like my mom loves my dad and to love someone like my mom loves me. But I guess this is not the time yet. Now is the time to accept and to love those already close to me.
But I so excited for the day that I'm loved as much and as deeply like my dad loves my mom and I can give love like my parents have given me.
Friday 29 September 2006
Monday 25 September 2006
Simplicity
tagged by Jaysha and Jessycho
10 Simple Pleasures
Falling asleep right away and waking up refreshed after x hours.
Reeses mini peanut butter cups and cheezits
the peace that comes with prayer
that one look, smile, word, touch from that special someone that immediately puts your nerves at ease
cleanly threaded eyebrows
Cal moving up in the national rankings (Go Bears!)
Sharing a meal with family
Knowing that God will sustain me through today, just today
Capturing the perfect photographic shot
A clean, warm towel fresh out of the dryer
I tag: BabyBoston
10 Simple Pleasures
Falling asleep right away and waking up refreshed after x hours.
Reeses mini peanut butter cups and cheezits
the peace that comes with prayer
that one look, smile, word, touch from that special someone that immediately puts your nerves at ease
cleanly threaded eyebrows
Cal moving up in the national rankings (Go Bears!)
Sharing a meal with family
Knowing that God will sustain me through today, just today
Capturing the perfect photographic shot
A clean, warm towel fresh out of the dryer
I tag: BabyBoston
Saturday 23 September 2006
Suppose
Suppose you were hanging on to the end of a tree branch and it starts to crack. There's mist all around and there's no way to get up. You don't know how far the fall is, but you know it's the only way you can go. God is telling you to let go. Would you?
God, show me how deep this canyon is.
God, show me how deep this canyon is.
Wednesday 20 September 2006
Time Takes It's Toll on Us
Have I become a soul so numb
All to familiar
Words of gold have all grown cold
Over and over
I need to see you in the sonrise
Time takes its toll on us
And it tries its best just to steal our love
And we bend and we break but we odn't give up
Time takes it's tol on us
From the start you touched my heart
And turned it in to something more
Beautiful, you're beautiful
So why does it have to be so hard
to see you in the sonrise...
All to familiar
Words of gold have all grown cold
Over and over
I need to see you in the sonrise
Time takes its toll on us
And it tries its best just to steal our love
And we bend and we break but we odn't give up
Time takes it's tol on us
From the start you touched my heart
And turned it in to something more
Beautiful, you're beautiful
So why does it have to be so hard
to see you in the sonrise...
Sunday 17 September 2006
randumb list of stuff
1) Darren Hayes (the lead singer of savage garden) is GAY!!!!
2) check this out.
3) i'm obsessed with looking at puppy pictures and saying "you're so cute" to a computer screen.
4) BEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! bebobebobebobebobebobebobebobebo
BEBO!!!!!! (new album out now.)
The album is amazing. Amazing. And he's on tour with Aaron Shust. That makes me a sad that he won't be in the bay area.
2) check this out.
3) i'm obsessed with looking at puppy pictures and saying "you're so cute" to a computer screen.
4) BEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! bebobebobebobebobebobebobebobebo
BEBO!!!!!! (new album out now.)
The album is amazing. Amazing. And he's on tour with Aaron Shust. That makes me a sad that he won't be in the bay area.
Friday 15 September 2006
TGIF
This year is going to take a lot out of me. Not being negative, just being real. BUT, it could be very rewarding, we'll see.
I feel like that's been a mantra these days, "we'll see" (among many other things).
This quarter will be a test. If you remember, ask me how I did in December, we'll see.
The apprehension and panic from the night before school starting has turned into mild excitement for some classes and serious concern for other classes. Finally learning what these little pills ACTUALLY do, finally things are coming together little by little.
This quarter will be hard. I will work harder than I've ever worked before, but take heart, we will find a respit in the torrents of school. Where? I dunno.
We'll see.
I feel like that's been a mantra these days, "we'll see" (among many other things).
This quarter will be a test. If you remember, ask me how I did in December, we'll see.
The apprehension and panic from the night before school starting has turned into mild excitement for some classes and serious concern for other classes. Finally learning what these little pills ACTUALLY do, finally things are coming together little by little.
This quarter will be hard. I will work harder than I've ever worked before, but take heart, we will find a respit in the torrents of school. Where? I dunno.
We'll see.
Monday 11 September 2006
epiphany
lately i've been struggling with feeling invisible. Like i'm not out there enough for people to notice me, not beautiful enough, not outspoken enough, not smart enough, not enough of a leader.
But something totally cool happened this morning right when I wake up. It was like God planting a thought in my head that was positive: He anointed David who wasn't the most obvious candidate for king. All of his older brothers appeared stronger, bigger, more kingly, but God chose David. Why? Because of his heart.
"Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
kind of nice.
So lately I've been laying low, and I have no social stories to share, but my dreams have been the most shareworthy. Here's a dream I had last night.
So a couple friends and I are in Yosemite and we're in bunks on the north wall of a cabin. But the cabin looks like a visitor center, so there are rangers walking around. So i'm on the top bunk (i love top bunks) with my sleeping bag and mumford. The ranger is talking to us about protecting ourselves and something about steve irwin, and suddenly this huge bear comes in and lunges straight for mumford. At this point i'm freaking out. For those of you who don't know mumford, he's the penguin that DJ gave me for christmas one time. I sleep with him everynight (yes I know i'm a grown adult, but whatever, I still love my mumford) who's a wannabe teddy bear. He has this hat that has ears and is holding this teddy bear. so he's like a teddy bear. So after the ranger diverts the bear, he explains, "wow, Harold (the king of the grizzly bears) is really sensitive to things that look like bears, so you better protect that little animal of yours. So basically I stuff mumford head first into my rolled up sleeping bag head first to hide his bear-ness. And then the dream goes on, but it's not interesting enough to share.
so random.
But something totally cool happened this morning right when I wake up. It was like God planting a thought in my head that was positive: He anointed David who wasn't the most obvious candidate for king. All of his older brothers appeared stronger, bigger, more kingly, but God chose David. Why? Because of his heart.
"Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
kind of nice.
So lately I've been laying low, and I have no social stories to share, but my dreams have been the most shareworthy. Here's a dream I had last night.
So a couple friends and I are in Yosemite and we're in bunks on the north wall of a cabin. But the cabin looks like a visitor center, so there are rangers walking around. So i'm on the top bunk (i love top bunks) with my sleeping bag and mumford. The ranger is talking to us about protecting ourselves and something about steve irwin, and suddenly this huge bear comes in and lunges straight for mumford. At this point i'm freaking out. For those of you who don't know mumford, he's the penguin that DJ gave me for christmas one time. I sleep with him everynight (yes I know i'm a grown adult, but whatever, I still love my mumford) who's a wannabe teddy bear. He has this hat that has ears and is holding this teddy bear. so he's like a teddy bear. So after the ranger diverts the bear, he explains, "wow, Harold (the king of the grizzly bears) is really sensitive to things that look like bears, so you better protect that little animal of yours. So basically I stuff mumford head first into my rolled up sleeping bag head first to hide his bear-ness. And then the dream goes on, but it's not interesting enough to share.
so random.
Saturday 9 September 2006
Aiyo, wo de tian ah!
Rewind 36.5 hours...
September 7, 2006
2:10pm-leave for work
11:45pm-get home from work
Sepbember 8, 2006
1:00am-sleep
9:30am-wake up
11:15am-leave for work
8:30pm-get off work, start driving to LA
September 9, 2006
1:30-Miss the 5 to 405 interchange
2:10-Accident on 110 Freeway
2:20-110 to 405 interchange closed, exit 190th
2:30 get home.
Now: Sleep >_<
September 7, 2006
2:10pm-leave for work
11:45pm-get home from work
Sepbember 8, 2006
1:00am-sleep
9:30am-wake up
11:15am-leave for work
8:30pm-get off work, start driving to LA
September 9, 2006
1:30-Miss the 5 to 405 interchange
2:10-Accident on 110 Freeway
2:20-110 to 405 interchange closed, exit 190th
2:30 get home.
Now: Sleep >_<
Monday 4 September 2006
The Superficial
I finally got off my butt this weekend to do something semi-productive...and superficial.
Needed a change.
Roz: I'm going to dye my hair
Mom: What color?
Roz: Red
Mom: Ok, will it show up?
Roz: I dunno, we'll see.
Dad: I can help you dye your hair. If you use a comb, it'll dye more evenly.
That's right. When you've lived in a household with all women for 20+ years, this is the only way to bond. I could have gone with him to a Laker's Game at the Staples Center (too expensive), or hiking in Yosemite, but nope, my dad offered to help me dye my hair. Men who were born into families of all men have no idea what I'm talking about, but if you have all daughters, this is what could happen to you. Not to say it's a bad thing. (hey, if you can't beat them, join them)
So now my hair is black with a little bit of red. Not much of a change, but it shows up in the sun.
More superficial
I had this dream. One of my friends mentioned that you can get a free makeover at this spa. I forgot the store name. So I walk into a mall that looks a lot like the San Francisco Centre (the one from Powell BART) and ask someone where the store is. (Gosh, the storename is on the tip of my tongue). We're in a group (of boys and girls from SFC all going to get our makeup done. boys and girls, getting makeup done). So basically we're told to go into an elevator to level D. So I walk into this hallway that looks like the stairwell in Mulberry Union kind of dark and grungy waiting for the elevator. Some faceless people come out and they look like they had a little too much smokey eyes. Some of these elevators look like escalators, and they repeat. Some go to different places, some go to level D. So I take the D elevator (one that looks almost exactly like the elevators in the Units at Berkeley). I think I'm by myself at this point.
I turn the corner and find the store. I walk in and it kind of looks like a mix of Crepevine on Irving St. and Cafe Intermezzo on Telegraph Ave. Instead of menus on the walls, they offer massages, spa treatments, salt rubs (for people?), makeovers and other girly stuff people do at day spas. The setting is REALLY nice, lots of wood, soft lighting and there are a lot of people, from UCSF. Weird. So there's this med student who got a salt rub and said it was REALLY GOOD. And the lady behind the counter said they had a 1/2 hour free RIGHT NOW and I could take it. I wonder, but i'm here for the free makeup, but hey, I need some relaxing, might as well go with the salt rub. This is my first salt rub and if they had this in real life i'd totally do it. So first, I had to wash the makeup off my face, then basically oil down with some scented aromatherapy that I can actually still smell. Smells kind of like plumeria and jasmine. And I'm told to lie down on what looks like a hollowed out plane engine with steam coming through vents and a bench to lie down on. I say, I've never done this before. And the attendant says, don't worry, it's great. They put some sort of salt/oil mixture that smells like lavender and I strap myself onto this bench. And away we go.
It feels like I'm on a rollercoaster because the steam cylinder is swinging inside the store, but it's so relaxing. After it's finished, I come out feeling kind of sandy all over but very very relaxed and they soak me with alabaster oil to wash off the salt. Then they cover me with more salt that smells heavenly.
Then I start dreaming of something else. I think it might have been some food.
Needed a change.
Roz: I'm going to dye my hair
Mom: What color?
Roz: Red
Mom: Ok, will it show up?
Roz: I dunno, we'll see.
Dad: I can help you dye your hair. If you use a comb, it'll dye more evenly.
That's right. When you've lived in a household with all women for 20+ years, this is the only way to bond. I could have gone with him to a Laker's Game at the Staples Center (too expensive), or hiking in Yosemite, but nope, my dad offered to help me dye my hair. Men who were born into families of all men have no idea what I'm talking about, but if you have all daughters, this is what could happen to you. Not to say it's a bad thing. (hey, if you can't beat them, join them)
So now my hair is black with a little bit of red. Not much of a change, but it shows up in the sun.
More superficial
I had this dream. One of my friends mentioned that you can get a free makeover at this spa. I forgot the store name. So I walk into a mall that looks a lot like the San Francisco Centre (the one from Powell BART) and ask someone where the store is. (Gosh, the storename is on the tip of my tongue). We're in a group (of boys and girls from SFC all going to get our makeup done. boys and girls, getting makeup done). So basically we're told to go into an elevator to level D. So I walk into this hallway that looks like the stairwell in Mulberry Union kind of dark and grungy waiting for the elevator. Some faceless people come out and they look like they had a little too much smokey eyes. Some of these elevators look like escalators, and they repeat. Some go to different places, some go to level D. So I take the D elevator (one that looks almost exactly like the elevators in the Units at Berkeley). I think I'm by myself at this point.
I turn the corner and find the store. I walk in and it kind of looks like a mix of Crepevine on Irving St. and Cafe Intermezzo on Telegraph Ave. Instead of menus on the walls, they offer massages, spa treatments, salt rubs (for people?), makeovers and other girly stuff people do at day spas. The setting is REALLY nice, lots of wood, soft lighting and there are a lot of people, from UCSF. Weird. So there's this med student who got a salt rub and said it was REALLY GOOD. And the lady behind the counter said they had a 1/2 hour free RIGHT NOW and I could take it. I wonder, but i'm here for the free makeup, but hey, I need some relaxing, might as well go with the salt rub. This is my first salt rub and if they had this in real life i'd totally do it. So first, I had to wash the makeup off my face, then basically oil down with some scented aromatherapy that I can actually still smell. Smells kind of like plumeria and jasmine. And I'm told to lie down on what looks like a hollowed out plane engine with steam coming through vents and a bench to lie down on. I say, I've never done this before. And the attendant says, don't worry, it's great. They put some sort of salt/oil mixture that smells like lavender and I strap myself onto this bench. And away we go.
It feels like I'm on a rollercoaster because the steam cylinder is swinging inside the store, but it's so relaxing. After it's finished, I come out feeling kind of sandy all over but very very relaxed and they soak me with alabaster oil to wash off the salt. Then they cover me with more salt that smells heavenly.
Then I start dreaming of something else. I think it might have been some food.
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