what day is it today?
Here I am.. once again. it's too early in the morning to put something understandable here so here's my best shot. if the internet was taken away from me would i be sad? no, because then i can go and make friends in the real world. form real relationships with real peopel rather than staring blankly at a 2 dimensional screen. if all my belongings were taken away from me would i be sad? if they were given to someone who needs it. if they weren't.. i guess not. because it's a chance for me to live simply. to fully and completely rely on the Almighty to be my provider. If my mental capacity were taken away from me would i be sad? i think i would be, but it has been a source of pride and sin in my life. like the Bible says, if it causes you to stumble, gauge it out, cut it off. am i willing to do that with what i have now? you know...someone brought up something really good at school. on the way out of class we were talking about taking up our cross and our roles as Christians on the campus and this is what he said. If we were members of the early church we would probably be lukewarm. what is lukewarm to God? and this guy is ON FIRE for Christ. ANd come to think of it... those in the early church Worshipped God with all their soul all their mind all their might and it kind of bothers me that we don't have this absolute surrender to Christ. Should we be put through the same persecution, to be killed and mutilated for our faith? THat's the kind of sacrifice that the early church made and God blessed them so much and see now Christianity what kind of influence it has on earth. How many people are worshipping God... how many brothners and sisters we have. To be honest, i have no idea what it means to take up my cross daily and follow Jesus.
aiya i'm sorry so long winded. you know.. all of this has flowed from my mind to my fingers and it's all come out... i wonder if i had said these things to someone or been able to put these into words in my mouth, if it would be any different. it wouldn't be more understandable.
"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You"
I learned that worrying is sinning.
I'm damned to hell because I worry, but because God loves me and because of the redemptive power of Jesus Sacrifice and atonement for my and a lot of other people's sins, I am free from worry. though i do what i don't want to do and don't do what i want to do.. nevertheless.. i'm free from what i don't want to do and it's just my earthly sinful flesh doing what i don't want to do. so God, almighty Father, change me, mold me and make me into your vessel to be filled with your Spirit, going out and being a quality vessel doing your work.

I'm home now and I thank God for home. Just being able to see familiar faces and be home and sleep with my blanky on my bed. My cousins are here. Their names are Grace, Joy and Charity. They're amazingly cute. Grace is just friendly to everyone and she's so happy and she understands so much. Joy is a crafty little girl who looks just like me when I was three. It's kind of scary but she's a smarty pants. Then there's charity who's only 1. I make this popping sound with my lips and she copies me and she smiles and laughs. She's so cute. Yup. THey're 5,3 and 1. And they're living at my house till tomorrow when they'll move into a new apt. But it was so nice to be home with my mom and my dad came home from the business trip today and yeah. Dude, i have a lot to do this week. There's the crosstitching. I'm going to the concert with Nina. I'm so excited. Never seen Delirious or Matt Redman but their songs are really convicting. On Sunday is a big thing. It's my birthday and it's so hard to imagine that people would remember my birthday. It's such a blessing to be loved. I keep wondering what can i do to love them back. Going to visit Terry at Cal Tech sometime during the week. Oh and i gotta visit the city of hope, too. Also, i'm gonna go what am i gonna do. oh visit westwood. on yeah and crosstitch.
And the new building. It's crazy. I'm sad that the old building with all its memories stories and everything i learned from there is now taken away from me, but this new building is amazing. Our church, we were given the Kent Avenue property. It was a gift from God and we used it well to His glory. Now he's blessed us with this amazing complex and it is truly amazing. Let's see where we can go with this. :) But something that makes me sad is now i'll be more of a visitor. It's not like it was last thanksgiving when i came home i came Home. The new church i haven't gotten used to the fact that it's now the place of my home church you know what i mean? But we'll see what God does. He always has amazing plans for everyone and i'm really excited to see how He's going to grow his body in this new church.

EXCITEMENT!! EXCITEMENT!! I GET TO GO HOME ON FRIDAY!!!! I GET TO GO HOME ON FRIDAY!!! EXCITEMENT EXCITEMENT EXCITEMENT!!! :)

We gonna move in with Myun Hwa just to clarify some things. So summary: Myun Hwa, Christina me, living in an apartment on Blake next year. make good sense? :)

we got an apt. teehee. :)

kind of tired. been studying all day. chem is a bit discouraging. i have no idea how to use this equation. sigh.
yesterday was a good day though. i liked stuff that happened yesterday.

oh i forgot.. CONGRATULATIONS CONNIE!!! God is good.. all the time. :)

I'm so excited, my uncle and his daughters are home to visit. Grace, Joy and Chastity are so amazingly cute. I get to play with them allllll week. But the sucky thing is, I have to leave the house. But it's for a good reason and I'm excited about it, too. I'm going to visit the city of Hope, the beckman research institute and you get to do research. I'm very excited about this position and hoping i'm going to get it because i'd love to do any research that has to do with cancer or immunology or health or anything. It's going to be soooo cool. What else, oh, i applied for this thing called FLARE. something lates allergy research and education. basically latex allergy and asthma research in long beach. my parents are faxing in my resume. big prayer request. but i'm a freshman. can't really expect much because i'm a freshman you know? so.. i'm REALLY hoping to get into the Beckman research institute. But yeah.. it depends on what God wants me to do this summer. He opens doors and closes them. SPeaking of which.. i locked myself out today haahaa. anyway, yeah.
"If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple." Luke 14:26-27
Daily Surrendering, Daily counting the cost, Daily Sacrifice.

There are a number of options available for apartments. Myun Hwa asked us if we wanted to live with her. We were really excited about that. Gotta pray about it and visit her apt and stuff. I found this other place on channng and fulton. but i don't know if it's available now or what. met with renee today. it was nice. Renee is a cool big sib. kind of tired right now. but only had 4 hours of class today. i should do some reading, and take a shower today.. yesyes. showers are always good.

just spent the afternoon walking around berkeley looking at apartment buildings. i figure, if the people take good care of the building, the inside should be nice, too. i dunno. maybe they're all the same. also wanted to look whether or not the building has balconies or windows. i can't have just 1 window. it's a bit stifling... maybe i'm claustrophobic. there are certain buildings that i like better than others. they are the nicer ones. well the ones i think are nice. how many buildings do i have down as acceptable? 49. On average, maybe 30 units per apartment. maybe 10 in each are 1 bedroom? that's 490 possible? That's really good. lets see divide that by like 5, 98 predicted openings. just need one of them between 1000 and 1500 with spaciousness, carpet, windows, cable connection, strategic position to bus stops and campus. went knitting with margaret low and had lunch with her and gary, my adopt-a-parents. that would make pastor dan my uncle haahaa.. and jason and michael my brothers. never had brothers before. got some ideas for apartment decorating. and i wanna get a loft bed. called reddy today they were like all.. the one that's listed that's going to be available now is not supposed to be there.. then why in the world put it up? you know what i mean? called a couple other places, they said to call back next month. what if other people get there first you know? ::sigh:: i'm excited, but worried, but there are plenty of apartment buildings. so yeah.

march 25 is also a day. delirious concert.
i'm tired. excuse my retartedness (retardedness however you spell it)

march 24 is also the day. my date with mr. oscar.

march 23 is the day. counting down. exactly 14 days.

i have so many private thoughts, it scares me a little.
"All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful to me, but I will not be mastered by anything." 1 Cor. 6:12

"But I say to the unmarried and to wodows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn." 1 Cor 7:8-9

"If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, then come and present your offering." Matthew 5:22-24

sitting on memorial glade doing my quiet time was really good... watching people. wondering what they're going through.
DOOOD!! it's late er.. early... whatever.

man.. i had a lot to write about in the shower.. but now...it's all gone.
Oh... something to be considered: what's my time stewardship like?
Am i being a good steward of my time? We're having a women's college class and it started today and i'm really looking forward to it. the teachers are very dynamic. :)
but i was thinking about it and i dunno.. i'm not sure I am.
at the beginning of the school year, at ysc, I made the commitment that i would spend time every day with God, meditating his word and praying and talking to him. Praise God i wanted to spend time with him all through first semester, but now, i'm feeling the pressures and time constraints... all because i do nothing you know what i mean? i was thinking about doing different things to help with time stewardship.. my palm is helping a lot now, actually. but i need to find a time for set quiet times.. it hasn't happened so far this summer, but it's getting there. also, my mom always said to have a sabbath day where it's like extended time with the Lord and she has a point. a day where you just rest and meditate and build relationships with other people by fellowshipping. i've been thinking about it more and more and it's been the topic of conversation.. i'm online a lot. online is a good form of communication to friends at home and people far away, but those who are in the neighborhood.. i should talk to in person more, i dunno, i don't think relationships are meant to be only online you know?

It's kind of sad... Christina and I haven't found an apartment yet, but i'm online looking at furniture, more specifically, these really cool loft beds with desks under them. i'm so excited, we're gonna have so much fun living in an apt. :-D finally we get to have halogen lights, candles, COOKING!!! decorating, a private bathroom, our own living space, TV maybe teehee... hopefully cable connection. :) and there're really cool apartment articles on www.apartment.about.com

Oh yeah, for Chinese new year, SFC did this thing where for red envelopes instead of putting money in them, you put a favor and i put that i had to clean someone's bathroom. but then andrew got my favor so instead of cleaning the bathroom, i cleaned their kitchen.. it wasn't much, just countertops, stove and floor. it was kind of fun...maybe it'll be a tradition, whoever gets my red envelope will have some part of their apt cleaned, or if they're in the dorm, their dorm vacuumed.

4 hours of chem.. trying to read 50 pages of text. i'm feeling a bit discouraged and slow.
and a bit lonely. time for lab report. i feel like eating leftovers of dinner today.

wwoooaaaa.. that was a manifesto.
this week has been a long week. i realized what kind of slackage i've been in the first part of the semester. so praise God this week is over. praise God i'm not gonna slack anymore. pray that i don't be single minded in my studies wanting to look for that 4.0. i think the reason why i didn't worry so much coming into berkeley was that i was expecting to get like a 3 or 3.5 or something.. or my aim was 3.4 because that was the average gpa getting into pharmacy school. first wave of midterms and paper are over. next one is march 21.. almsot exactly 3 weeks away. pretty darn good.