Just got back from Yosemite. Awesome, spectacular, marvelous, beautiful. Man, God is a cool Creator. Have pictures. It's so good to be home.
(no spewage today. i'm a bit tired.)

Theraflu sucks. It tastes bad and it's just powdered tylenol. Don't take theraflu unless you have a fever. My reasoning: I was feeling fine and I wanted to take some theraflu for my congestion. At 5:00 in the morning, something happened and so today I'm not feeling very well. This morning I wake up feeling very very weak. I want to see Episode II today so I'm resting up. Stupid theraflu.

i'm so confused.

Which of the Disney Princesses are you?

Haahaa, this is amusing.

I'm going to the restroom like every half an hour. It's the water, drinking a lot of water. That's good right?

Yesterday we (Christina, Hannah, Renee and I) went to San Fransisco. Man that was fun. We bumped into a lot of people. Christine Jung in the BART, Melanie and Melissa while shopping, Susanna Fong and Christina's Aunt in the BART on the way back. It was really fun. I drank a lot of water. I got a build-a-bear. It's name is Zoe and I gave it a heart. Don't ask me if it's a boy bear of a girl bear because I don't know. It's a girl's name but it's dressed like a buy although a hawaiian shirt and boardshorts and a bucket hat is exactly what I'd wear, and Zoe could be a boy's name, a very feminine boy's name. But when we got back I had a temperature, 99.5 which isn't too bad, but I started chugging water like crazy and it eventually went down to 99.2 and now i'm at 98.6, perfection. Haahaa, just gotta take it easy today. It's fun. I'm packing today.

according to my chem gsi, everyone bombed the chem final. so.. a curve will be set. had my last final today. i can't feel anything regarding the test because my throat hurts. and i wanted to get out as quickly as possible.

The final today was hard.
Just math left tomorrow and my freshman year is over.
Where has the time gone?

my favorite secular song
"When you feel all alone, and the world has turned its back on you.
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart.
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold.
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call, if you jump i'll break your fall
lift you up and fly away with you into the night
if you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
if you need to crash then crash and burn
you're not alone."
-Crash and burn (Savage Garden)

My Chem final is in 17 hours. I love God and God loves me no matter what kind of grades I get. That is such a comforting thought. It is a blessing to just be here at Berkeley among the cream of the crop learning.

my final is in 12 hours. kind of stressing even though i shouldn't be. God is my peace. Jesus is my peace, my strength when i am weak, the treasure that I seek, Jesus is my all in all.

Rosalyn,
That is wonderful. We look for ward to having you work with us as a student volunteer this summer. I will ask one of our administrative people contact you about paper work. See you on or before June 10th
Ronald S. Swerdloff, M.D.
Harbor-UCLA Medical Center
Professor of Medicine
Chief Division of Endocrinology
1000 W. Carson St. Box 446.
Torrance, CA 90502
Phone: (310) 222-1867
Fax: (310) 533-0627
E-mail: swerdloff@gcrc.rei.edu

excitement is exploding out of me. PRAISE GOD!!! :)

I'm listening to the Something Like Silas CDs and they're really good. Really encouraging and it's what my heart feels, you know? In the last 2 days i've been at the library for 11 hours. Well, that's better than being at the library for 11 hours in one day. Man, I'm so ansy for finals to go away. I still have a chance to get good grades in math and chem so I kind of want to try, but I know that if i kind of slack, I don't have to worry TOO much... it's all a matter of how much I want to get those 2 A's. But I don't want to slack.
I've been thinking a lot about this being the end of the year. I'm wondering how much I've changed. How much of it is good change, how much of it is God changing me. One superficial change is I've gained weight. A friend told me that sometimes the change is so small you don't notice. Wouldn't a change be more apparent if I compared myself to who I was at the beginning of the year?
Going swimming after one wakes up is fun. That's what I did today and I went to the library refreshed.

Love ofGod whose life enduring
shepherd of His flock astray,
Provider of a heart so yearning
May you be all hope and stay
You are the air i breathe
you are the food i eat
you are the water i drink
you God are all that i need
Faithful keeper of his children
never turning from our prayers
even when doubts and fears about us
still, your sweet life in us bears
Alleluia
Praise to You almighty Father,
Praise and honor God Most High
May my life be made an offering
Only lived to glorify.
-Air I breathe Something like Silas

Have a lot to say but have a 2 page chem paper due tomorrow. maybe i'll write more when it's done.
or maybe i could be so bold as to have a nice good deep conversation with someone. It's nice to have those.

I'm a freshman. The year is 2002. I won't be applying to Pharmacy School until my senior year which is 2004. I still have a stinkin 2.5 years until I have to worry and yet i'm finding myself looking at the UCSD, UCSF and USC pharmacy school websites regularly. Am i just obsessive? For a while during first semester I considered Medical School, but that kind of fell through like after a week. Who do I want to go to pharmacy school? I heard a guy talk about pharmacy and I thought it was cool. And like I want to make people well, but not be a doctor. Man being a doctor must be tough. First there's the cat-fight pre-med undergrad odyssey, and then the MCATs and just getting into Med School. Then I hear about all this stressful stuff about not being able to relax for the rest of your life pretty much. And those residencies...man, no sleep for a very long time. I admire anyone who is in Med School. But working at the pharmacy as a clerk last semester, I came across a lot of Med students, residents and doctors. To be honest some of them were conceited and thought I was nothing. They just thought I was some peon who takes in perscriptions. They're Doctors. They should care and at least be polite, not just ACT polite to their patients and be all like that to other people. My sister said med school breeds conceit. So it makes me wonder how come there are so many pre-meds that I encounter? Is it really true that these people want to become doctors. Is it really true that these people want to prevent, treat and raise awareness of health issues in the world? That's what I want to do. That's what I feel that God wants me to do. You see last summer at the pharmacy, too many of the doctors prescribed too much medication to their patients without giving much thought to their treatment history. 1 medication for asthma, one for their blood pressure, maybe a couple for the heart, on and add in antibiotics for their bronchitus. That's 5 prescriptions in 1 sitting. That's too much. For those of you who are doctors or going to med school or aspiring to go to med school, promise me two things. When you are in med school or a doctor, don't be conceited. Humility should be an outstanding trait of Christians which also applies to Christian doctors if you are one. Also pay attention to the patient's medical history. You don't want to start a public health nightmare and create strains of sicknesses that are immune certain medicines. I'd rather be out of a job because there are enough medicines out there already than be stressed out in trying to find a new medication for pneumonia.
A praise is that i'm really convicted to go to Pharmacy School. I'm not sure what comes after Pharmacy School but God I know is going to use my degree is some way to serve Him.
Just pray that I wouldn't get too obsessed over it. There aren't any tests that I have to study for like the MCATs, but there are certaint prerequisites. So just pray for perspective and I guess the endurance... i'm so procrastinating right now for finals studying...But anyway, yeah there, that's my spewage for today.

keep forgetting: I have pictures from praise dinner, but they're not like pictures, they're like on the computer so if you'd like to see them just let me know. :)
Yeah so Christina and I are talking about what to do with our apt, dude, i'm so excited. It's gonna be real in like less than a month! DUUUUUUDE.
Today it was really cool. In music we had this concert thing where everyone brought in their own stuff and played it. Some people did written stuff. Kim, Gloria and I did Beauty and the Beast. That was fun. There was this jazz band, that was swingin. There was this guy who wrote his own song, but it was about death, kind of morbid. THere were these 2 people who wrote their song like 15 min before they performed it, and they played it really well. It was sooooo cool. The really cool thing was that there were these three people who sang Because He Lives fast instead of the slow hymn style. They had the harmonies, the rhythm, the riffs and the piano all down. It was really cool and really encouraging. :)

Praise the LORD, there are options open for the summer.
1. I can either take summer school and get a pre-pharmacy prerequisite done
2. Or volunteer in a lab doing cell cultures and possible helping to write a paper.
This needs prayer. I need to tell my mom by Friday.
It's true I am stressed...
I'm at VLSB (Valley Life Sciences Building) in the Koshland Biosciences Library studying. I will be there in the afternoons and possibly all day until finals. If anyone would like to join me, by all means... but only come if you're going to study. (2nd floor of the study room all the way at the end.)

I can feel the stress coming up. Finals are coming soon and I've sort of started studying. I've made myself a study schedule...but I'm so tired of studying. Irratibility is apparent and I'm tense. GR. Psalm 36:10 "Cease striving and know that I am God."
During these times, it's a struggle for me to trust that God is in control of all things because I've been conditioned that if I study a lot, I will do well. How much of it is God's sovereign plan? How much of it is God's work? Where do I draw the line from what I do and what God does? How do I approach something like this? How much do I have to study before it becomes an obsession and addiction? Is it before I start stressing (too late)? Is it until I fell I understand everything? Is it not at all?
stress level from a scale of 1-10: 6

I took a spiritual gifts inventory today. This is what it said i scored the highest on:
Serving
Music
Healing
Mercy
Helps
There's the top five.
go to www.cforc.com for it. 110 questions

sorry, i got freud's quote wrong. this was, according to freud, a generalization that can lead to something dangerous. i'm not sure, but yeah sorry, took it out of context.

i don't want what happened this semester to happen next semester. you see, i need both bio and chem... taking bio in the morning on thurs, so that means i need to take chem lab on tues afternoon... 'cause the lab for bio ends at 12:30 and lab for chem starts at 12, so can't take chem lab on thursday, but the thing is, the lab is filled on tues. OR, i could just skip every friday of psych class, but that's just really bad. so we won't do that. OR bio class can get out .5 hours early and i don't eat lunch and fry my brain on thursdays, but that's kind of bad, too. SOOOO... i'm going to just pray and Trust God about Chem and the tuesday lab because it's all in his hands. I can't do anything. Sound like a plan?

Praise Dinner is tomorrow. Excitement flows out of me. You don't see it, but it's there. :)

Interesting quote from Sigmund Freud's Civilization and It's Discontents
"It is impossile to escape the impression that people commonly use false standards of measurement--that they seek power, success and wealth for themselves and admire them in others, and that they underestimate what is of true value in life."

I was thinking a lot today about sleep. How much I sleep. i need a lot of sleep and when roz doesn't get a lot of sleep, roz doesn't function well. She acts stupider than she already is. and i realized how much i need sleep compared to how much I need God. God should be my rest and my source of strength not the fact that i need 8 hours of sleep every night. Granted, it would be nice...Of course thsi doens't give me a reason to pull all nighters, but it also doesn't give me a reason to skip my quiet time to sleep. Thinking a lot about what i give weight to in my life compared to how much i give weight to the Master of my life. I'm taking Him for granted and it shouldn't be the case.
"And he humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of God." Deuteronomy 8:3

Today during skit practice... i'm wondering how much people notice about me. I have this personal space thing. Like I dunno, i get kind of, squirmy when someone is closer than.. well when someone is touching me with more than a finger. I'm a bit claustrophobic and really really ticklish, and like i dunno, it's the personal bubble space thing.

yeah so i don't know if i can work at the city of hope thing anymore. it's a long story, i'm not sure i want to explain it. But God i know is teaching me...
"Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of th ekingdom of God, who shall not recieve many times as much at this time and in the age to come, eternal life." -Jesus (Mark 18:29-30)