The Highlight of My week

Hello, I'm procrastinating....

but this is basically the highlight of my week 'cause it made me laugh.

Weight

Weight is a sensitive subject when it comes to girls.

In the past 3 months or so, I've lost 15 odd pounds. Thankfully, I've gained 2 of it back... yay.

But a part of me doesn't want to gain the weight back.

Why?

Because I'm scared boys won't like me if I get fat.

There are 2 views on my weight:
Me: I'm good like this. I like being this shape and size and I'm ugly if I gain more weight.
Family and Friends: I don't look good like this. I need to gain more weight, in fact, I'll look better if I gain more weight.

Here's the distortion:
My BMI is borderline underweight/normal.

From what I've gathered from the male population, thin is good. Boys are attracted to small girls. Here are some quotes from guys I know:
"The smaller the better"
"Size 0 is good, don't change."
"Size matters"
"I want to date someone thin."

I care too much about what people.... no scratch that. I care too much about what boys think of me.

I used to not care about my weight. I used to eat all you can eat hot pot without worries that I'm going to gain weight or that boys will think i'm unattractive.

Boys are stupid. Lets throw rocks at them.

I relish in the day when I'm not paranoid about gaining weight and not fearing that I'm ugly if I gain weight. That my worth is not contingent on how much I weigh or what boys think of my body shape.

I want to be content

Gimme some sugar

I love the holidays.

Why?

Because I can bake, and bake and bake and bake.

I just finished 2 pumpkin pies. One with a graham cracker crust, and one with a flaky pastry crust. Spiced up real nice with nutmeg, cloves, ginger, cinnamon.

I love the holidays. :)

This is pie #2 and #3.

Last week I made pie #1: a marbled pumpkin cheesecake with a gingersnap cookie and walnut crust.

Whoo!!! Thanksgiving and Christmas here we come! :)

because I need this

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
the Bible tells me so.

I love this picture.

attempting to be a rebel. we're not allowed to climb on these pillars, but oh well.

this is aileen.

Lighthouse, and bridge that has a 500lb capacity.

Gauging interest

Anyone interested in studying Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) with me? We can either meet up, or do internet chats or something fun like that. Let me know if you're interested!

The Perfect Engagement

I got the idea for the perfect engagement. (Future husband, if you're out there, please take notes).

It's sunset, or night time on a clear night. Beach, at lowtide.

Fire and ice or red rose petals and roses scattered around leading to the proposal area. Small tea lights illuminating the sand so the flames and shadows dance on the sand and water.

There's an area near the cliff. I'm bearfoot wearing something...casual/nice. He's bearfoot wearing something.... casual/nice. just finished dinner, or right before dinner at some restaurant that's sentimental. The proposal area has lots and lots of roses and tealights scattered around.

I either clam up or dump some verbal diarrhea. something like.. "WHAT THE HECK?!!!!" or "OH MY GOODNESS...." Of course the palms start sweating and we both can't stop smiling. He's nervous and fumbles for words and tries to either calm me down or ask me what i'm thinking. I'll proceed to say... "WHAT THE HECK?!" or "OH MY GOODNESS"

Then down on one knee, busting out some bling and ice. He asks, "Rosalyn (yes, please use my full name, makes it more official) will you marry me?"
I'll say... after a monumental 5 seconds that seems like an infinity, YES!!!!!

The End.

"I'm just a sentimental schmuck like all the flighty nitwits I'd always pitied. Funny how things turn out." -Kimmy from My Best Friend's Wedding

My thoughts exactly, Kimmy, my thoughts exactly.

Naked

Is there something in particular that you own that if you don't have it, you feel naked? (i.e. phone, watch, earrings, contacts.)

That's not what I wanted to talk about but, ::venting:: I LOST MY SWIMMING GEAR :(

Stupid me forgot to pack it up, and now someone is going around swimming in a blue speedo swimsuit with a tyr pair of googles and silicone swim cap. :( :( :( and i just got them less than a month ago. :( :( :(

boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

victim

I always thought, being the victim is always better than being the one at fault. Unfortunately, I took it to the extreme. That in every action, someone was out to get me, someone had a ill-willed statement/behavior towards me and that I didn't do anything and I was the victim.

Oh, how wrong I am.

Today, I was writing a letter in class. It's a letter I've been working on for the past week or so and while I was writing, something clicked. I thought, why am I always taking the victim position?

Here is the distortion:
1) not everyone is out to get me
2) i'm overlooking my own evilness in lashing out at other people.

There's a difference between being a martyr and hurting for a cause and being a baby and hurting at everything. There's a difference between feeling worthless and true humility.

Taking the position of "I am not the victim" solves a number of issues that I've been struggling with:
1) I personalize EVERYTHING. Every negative statement, comment, behavior is aimed at me and people are saying that I am a bad person. (that's overkill)
2) I have the choice to let certain things bother me, hurt me or anger me. I also have the choice to not be phased and to just be chill. (I vote for being chill)
3) I am not a helpless babe. (in both senses of the word, "babe.") My actions have consequences on others like others' actions have consequences on me. I can enact change.
4) I cannot expect other people to be phased by everything that I say. I hope to expect to be listened to, but my word isn't law. God's word is.
5) I don't need to seek retribution because I am not the victim. I am not helpless because I can give it all to God. I don't have the power to judge or to change people, but God has. (I call this in the pride of victimization. The thought is "they deserve to know what they did." Actually, no, I don't have the responsibility to tell them. It is the Holy Spirit that convicts and moves in the hearts of people, not me)

Something just clicked. It's going to come back, but I rejoice at the fact that this click happened. That I was convicted in my own sin and have action points to work on to improve.

Thanks God

India?

I know I'm being a little flighty, but how cool would it be to go to India? Really need to keep this in prayer, but it would be an AWESOME experience.

Program Details

yeah, prayer.

In other news, TAIWAN, HONG KONG!!!! ^_^ Winter 2006. VICTORY! :D <3 aZN prYdE~!

Pumpkin Patch Kids

The pumpkin patch across the street has now opened.

You know what that means...

PUMPKIN PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :)

The days of making a dozen pumpkin pies is now behind me and I'm a new pumpkin pie person. The old has gone the new, more inventive baker has arrived.

This year, I'm thinking flaky, crumbly crust with a slightly spicy pumpkin puree filling with a topping of chocolate mousse.

I'm so excited. :)