victim

I always thought, being the victim is always better than being the one at fault. Unfortunately, I took it to the extreme. That in every action, someone was out to get me, someone had a ill-willed statement/behavior towards me and that I didn't do anything and I was the victim.

Oh, how wrong I am.

Today, I was writing a letter in class. It's a letter I've been working on for the past week or so and while I was writing, something clicked. I thought, why am I always taking the victim position?

Here is the distortion:
1) not everyone is out to get me
2) i'm overlooking my own evilness in lashing out at other people.

There's a difference between being a martyr and hurting for a cause and being a baby and hurting at everything. There's a difference between feeling worthless and true humility.

Taking the position of "I am not the victim" solves a number of issues that I've been struggling with:
1) I personalize EVERYTHING. Every negative statement, comment, behavior is aimed at me and people are saying that I am a bad person. (that's overkill)
2) I have the choice to let certain things bother me, hurt me or anger me. I also have the choice to not be phased and to just be chill. (I vote for being chill)
3) I am not a helpless babe. (in both senses of the word, "babe.") My actions have consequences on others like others' actions have consequences on me. I can enact change.
4) I cannot expect other people to be phased by everything that I say. I hope to expect to be listened to, but my word isn't law. God's word is.
5) I don't need to seek retribution because I am not the victim. I am not helpless because I can give it all to God. I don't have the power to judge or to change people, but God has. (I call this in the pride of victimization. The thought is "they deserve to know what they did." Actually, no, I don't have the responsibility to tell them. It is the Holy Spirit that convicts and moves in the hearts of people, not me)

Something just clicked. It's going to come back, but I rejoice at the fact that this click happened. That I was convicted in my own sin and have action points to work on to improve.

Thanks God