Loneliness

Happy feet is opened today.

I should be happy. ecstatic.

But the thing is... I'm not.

Today I've been on the verge of tears. Gosh, I even got teary during an episode of scrubs.

You can be in a room full of people and feel completely lonely. You can be by yourself with no sound and have the presence of God with you.

I've been feeling so lonely lately.

At first I thought it was because I didn't have a boy. I always thought that being exclusive with a man would take away all my loneliness. That his complete attention, the fact that he felt like the luckiest person in the world just being with me would be the answer to the things I've been feeling for such a long time.

I see couples and I'm so jealous of their happiness and companionship.

Why is this such a big deal for me? Why is my happiness, security and identity based on one human being? But I've made so many mistakes and I keep wondering if I've thrown away people who I felt are really important to me.

mm...denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

The quarter's almost over. I can't wait.