The Joy of The Lord...

Is my Strength

Today, I accomplished something that I wanted to do since the beginning of the quarter. I shared it at Sonrise and it hasn't happened to me in such a long time. I laughed until my stomach hurt. We were seriously laughing for like 15 minutes just about one thing. But it was the best time. Thanks guys, for making me laugh so hard. And, Thanks God.

Since Saturday morning, I've felt joy. A stark contrast to Friday night which was drowned in sorrow. But this weekend has been good. Thanks everyone who participated, even on the phone.

This past quarter has been a test, and I passed it. There were no grades, there's no percentage. It's pass or not pass, and I passed. That's an awesome feeling that I can't contribute to myself. At the beginning of the quarter, I broke down in tears thinking I wouldn't be able to even survive the quarter, let alone finish it. During midterms, I seriously thought about just giving up and going home, taking the rest of the quarter off. But, by God's grace and strength, I actually finished the quarter doing almost just as well as I had been doing previously.

Today I had an epiphany on the BART. I've been watching Pride and Prejudice and in these women's lives, all they think about is marriage and the story kind of showed me how trivial sometimes that can be...but that was me. And then I started The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis and it showed me that there's nothing we can take to heaven. Just our actions and our souls. So on the BART, I became convinced that marriage, relationships and boys don't define me. They don't give me worth as a person and they most certainly do not get me into God's good graces in heaven. I already have all of that and my future/life is secure. It's secure. God gives and takes away. Everything is from Him and nothing is mine to keep or to claim as mine. The only thing I can do is to use everything that I have for God's Kingdom, for the spread of his good word and to have everyone I know come into a relationship with Jesus. In my status now, God has a plan for me, as a single woman. And I'm going to sure as heck find out what God wants me to do, and do it. Knowing and doing it would no doubt bring me the joy that comes only from the Almighty.

This weekend has been good.

Thanks God :)