Nostalgia

Last night in the apartment. It's a little late. I'm getting a little sentimental.
Here are some fun memories...

Mr. Jeff's name card and his own personal desk to study on.
Too much lovin' on the looooove couch
"I'm singin in the rain, just singin' in the rain, what a wonderful feelin'.."
Watching friends season 1, 2 and 4 over and over again
Prayer meeting
Jelly filled cakes
cheesecake
cha jiang myun
swimming in a freezing cold swimming pool
russell peters
the loud breathing
SURPRISE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY~! (Christina's 21st, my 22nd)
Small Group :) (i love you guys and i'm gonna miss our small group)
dumpling/sushi night
"hello? (feeble voice)" "It's 8:45, ready by 8:55?"
Real simple subscriptions
Crafts
Free furniture
"Hello it's the manager. It's a Sunday night (at 8:45), can you please keep it down."
Hair in the drain
Falling asleep (and drooling) on the couch. haahaa too bad for the guy who took it.
"Excuse me, I'm really gassy."
Not being able to sleep by myself. Always need someone there.
Messiness, and purging of papers after a major final.
the snooze
Jacob and Eric scaring us girls while we were playing guitar and singing.
"going upstairs, i'll be right back."
im-ing each other while in the same room, and laughing outloud and on aim.
literati
many visitors
SuperFreak on the kitchen table
Wet swiffer and Scrubby bubbles
"Where's the dongle?"
SlabIII
The etched jars of salt, corn starch and rice.
music almost constantly playing.
people coming to hang out just for the heck of it and staying late
moving from the other apt to here.
driving directly from here to oases, thanks eric.
Zhongjie BBQing.
exercise ball. always a conversation starter, chock full of demonstrations.
Friends 6:30-7:30
Elaine, Eric, Jacob upstairs, Jess Ing, Clara, Jay, Lou, Sean behind us.
"Hey can you let me in?"
Breaking in because I didn't want to pay $5 and i forgot my key. Thanks guys for the fork.
calendars EVERYWHERE!
Lantern making before praise dinner

I'm going to miss this place...

Graduation

So my graduation is tomorrow. I haven't given it much thought. I haven't given anything much thought these past couple of weeks.

Berkeley has become a familiar place. Almost home. People, faces that have been every day sights will now be gone and I'll have to adjust to a new world that is pharmacy school and san francisco.

These past few weeks have been tough. I'm trying to keep back the tears as I write this, but you know how it goes, I do cry a lot. And i'm tired. I tend to be more moody when I'm tired.

In these past four years, people have come and gone. I've made bad decisions and good decisions. I wish I could have invested more time in people, built deeper friendships instead of squeezing in that last hour or so of studying because that doesn't do anything. I've been the happiest I've ever been, I've been the lowest I've ever been and I've been hurt the deepest.

With everything that's going on, I can't help but wonder what God really has planned. This past week, I've been clinging on to the promises of Love and Security because it brings the most comfort to someone who feels broken. I've been humbled to the point where I feel so week, there's nothing I can do and only Christ Jesus can give me the strength to get out of bed every morning, get dressed and go be a functioning part of society.

There are so many memories attached to this place, I don't want to leave. But that's life. Things change. People change. I've changed.

I cling onto this Unchanging God that we sing about. Every day, I wake up in the morning with thoughts and fears, but somehow God uses these to draw me closer to Himself.

When you feel weak, and you feel worthless, like a little worm that can be squished, know that there is this Ultimate God who's going to protect you who loves you.

I will cherish the people in this time/place, but at the same time, I have to force myself to look forward. Let the past lessions be a guide. Anxiety comes with thinking about the future, but I found myself while going to the City to look for a place to live an exhilarating sense of excitement and anticipation.

I feel like a reed on the shore. The wind breaks me down, but at the same time, the waters bring sustenance, the sun gives me reason to grow and now, one stem has died off and another is growing. It hurts and I don't know how my new apical meristem is being shaped, but there's something there. Eventually it'll become something that will be blown by the wind, fed by the water and grown by the sun. But my roots will be deeper and I can withstand stronger winds.

I just realized how poetic that is. Sorry to break the mood. But I'm tired and I need to pack. Looking forward to some soul food tomorrow.

Completely Torn
And procrastinating...

This one?

or this one? 

i'm thankful for the opportunity to be able to and have the resources to shop for something like this. when it comes down to it, a decision should be made. its not wise to buy both. but is it wise to even buy one? is it wiser to keep the one i have?

Time and clarity. Taken on the way down to SoCal.

And together... we spell DEBORAH~!: Christina, Me, Christina, Allison (I didn't include the "bow to your sensei" one..haahaahaa)

The SuperFreak: It bloomed for ~3 mo after I got it a couple years ago. After one watering for ~5 min a week, lots and lots of eggshells and 2 pot transplantations, I'm still amazed that it's alive and blooming. 

In recent news:
1) Our manager/apartment admin has been showing our apartment to people. Ever since we turned in our 30-day notice, she's come by every day. Friday was a record, she came by 3 times.
2) Spam sucks. I apparently had some weirdo virus linked to my e-mail so I got like 40 returned e-mails from @ey.com. The only person I know who works at EY is Kitty.
3) My mother is up here for the weekend. It's nice to see her for mother's day 'cause the rest of my family is scattered somewhere in the United States. And my dad can't really celebrate mother's day with my mom 'cause he's her husband. But he calls her "mommy" anyway.

Survey:
1) Do you have a digital camera? If so, what is it?
2) Are you satisfied with the price/performance/look of your digital camera?

I'm shopping for a new digicam. My Nikon has failed me at least 3 times when I've needed it the most. I'm wondering if it is worth it to buy a new digital camera, if i'm wisely spending money. But considering how much I use a camera that doesn't work 100% of the time and takes crappy night pictures, its worth it to get a new one. I dunno. Shopping for a camera is hard. There're so many choices out there, but so much money at stake. But I want to be able to rely on the things I have.

So yesterday night was the first night i was able to successfully (sp?) sleep on my left side without feeling any pain. it was a good night.

It's amazing how God answers prayers. A major prayer request lately has been to realize and be more sensitive to the sin in my life and there's a lot there. God has sent people and His word to point out the faith that I lack and the grace that motivates me to get better. It's amazing how easily one can replace something or someone with God. But nothing is as true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable than one's security and conviction through the Jesus Christ.

this is from praise dinner.

this is the skit.

this is us.. smiling. jay has a much better (i.e.photoshopped) picture. have a nice day everyone. 

Finishing Well
I've lost all motivation to go to class, unless there's something due. Hence the blogging while my genetics professor uses the words "cute" and "sexy" to describe flies, worms, bees and their corresponding experiments.

But it's all about finishing well.
Believe me I'd much rather be rollin' down the street sippin' on gin and juice (figuratively), but now is finals time. My last finals at Cal, I should go out with a bang. As Mariah Carey would say in her unusually bland new release "Cuz it's my night/ No stress, no fights/I'm leavin it all behind/No tears, no time to cry/Just makin the most of life"

So I invite you to come, study with me. I promise I won't bite you.

Tuesday: VLSB Bioscience Library 2nd Floor Left cubicles 8-11
Wednesday: no studying, prayer meeting.
Thursday: Optometry Library, Minor Hall 2-7, VLSB Bioscience Library 8-11
Friday: Optometry Library, Minor Hall 2-5 (SFC at 7:30)
Saturday: PM, Optometry Library

Good Posture
It's been on my mind since as long as I can remember, but tonight, as I was looking through old pictures, my posture is disgusting.
People close to me have commented on my posture and how bad it is...i couldn't agree more.
it's gotten better since high school, but it still needs work, among other things.
But i've come to learn that posture is so important, but it's not from pure willpower of pulling your back straight.
For some people like Clara Chu and Gloria Chiu (both of which have a very common last name from me) have beautiful posture but it's natural to them.
I remember Gloria commenting on how its impossible for her to slouch. That's amazing. It's also a foreign thought because it's natural for me to slouch.
Maybe I need to work on my core.

Maybe, maybe so.

But there are so many other nuances to a good posture. When I do walk straight, stand straight, sit straight, I feel taller and more confident. Does that mean when I slouch (which is all the time) I feel less so? Maybe, sometimes, though not always. But there's a more pronounced difference when I stand up straight.
To other people, your posture is so crucial to the first impression. Also, its a sign of what kind of mood you're in. Bad mood or sad? Bad posture. Happy, confident and positive? Good posture. That's a generalization, but it can be true. Whenever I see someone who's a little slouched in the corner, it reminds me of the loner self I used to be and still am sometimes. These people need the most love.

Of course this is not Biblical at all. If you find a passage that deals with posture in the Bible, I'll bake you cookies. (I owe a lot of people cookies.) If i do owe you cookies or you want some cookies let me know I'm planning to bake this coming week. Oh, if you want to study, too. I have a final in 2 weeks that I need to start studying for. It'd be nice to have a study buddy one last time in the cubicles of VLSB or in the OPTOMETRY LIBRARY where we can party it up with Ms. Allison. :)

I FOUND IT!!!
Ice Cream Maker for $14.99

A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds

-The Hammer Holds, Bebo Norman

if you want to know what i'm doing this summer, as me and i'll tell you personally.

George Orwell use to live on Portobello Road in Notting Hill.

St. Paul's Cathedral. we're standing on the Milennium Bridge. Seirously on our last night, we walked 2 hours and took a buttload of pictures. We crosseed multiple bridges (including the london bridge). We walked from Trafalgar Square back to our Hostel which is across the river and 1.5 miles (about) down.

In recent news, in an attempt to be a liberal rebellious Berkeley resident, i got my cartilage pierced. Since interviews are done and I won't have to interview for a while, i figure poking a hole in my ear would be fun. here it is...

This is the awesome snowman we got to build. Diana's fool-proof snowbuilding, Lauren's creativity, that tumor on it's neck, we're all one big happy family. 

Check out the Louis Vuitton Store on the Champs-Elysses... massive.

louvre. dude, that place is overhwelming. dan brown must have spent a good amount of time just walking around here. craziness...

this is back in London. I WAS CLOSE TO WHERE THEY DISCOVERED DNA!!! It's like nerd heaven almost.

tea time. smelled good, tastes like tea. jay didn't have tea. he had this apricot pasty thingamabob.

it says Opodo knows the 5 worst places in the world to lose your contact lenses. haahaahaahaa. :) 

there's a picasso museum in paris. BUT PICASSO ISN'T FRENCH!!!! (is the most common statement mentioned after i say "we went to the picaso museum).

the smart car. i love the smart car. it's so.... happy!

So Wednesday was museum day. we went to likfe 5 museums of something. We totally got the money from our museum pass back, and then some. it was great. This is the Musee D'Orsay (the impressionist's museum) It's totally worth it to come here when you're visiting paris.

Lesson of the day: Genevive is the patron saint of Paris. (this is the pantheon, a converted church)

Our Lady (Notre Dame) Imagine a huge courtyard about the size of a football field in front of this filled with white chairs. it's Easter Week and they're having mass at sunset.

i'll give you a minute to ooo and awe at our attractiveness..................So the building (arch) behind us is La Defense. This is equivalent to the pentagon in US terms. There are offices within the arch. this plaza we're standing on is like the center of Paris' modern downtown. Allison and I went shopping while Jay played with his camera. YAY H&M for opening up a new store in the fall in SF!!!

The big thumb. It's a right thumb just sticking out of the ground about 100 feet from La Defense (Arch). We were so in awe of the sheer size of the thumb, we dared not step close and actually figure out what its purpose was. but there it is, the big thumb.  

Eiffel Tower during the day...

Eiffel Tower at night. At around 10:45, the tower started raving with all these strobe lights going off and it just went on for 45 minutes. trippy.

Notre Dame. I love night shots.

take a look at that huge baguette sandwich. and the vendor she bought it from. :-D This is in the latin quarter. It's bumpin' at night. Bars, night clubs, theaters, stores, little eateries like that. The streets are so narrow, cars can come in, but never get out. You just saunter slowly through cobblestone streets and pick the place where the guy at the door is most animated. There were these 2 greek restaurants across the way from each other and they competed by breaking plates at the door.  

What God has been teaching me over and over again:
Choose Joy

haahaa just kidding. this is the actual french countryside.

allison and i shared an awesome room with a balcony overlooking the street.

lou, if you're reading, we took this for you. :)

1000 feet of splendid goodness. very touristy, but we got a good view from here. sadly, jay got a bloody nose. a note to everyone, drink lots of water.

this is us, being our natural selves on top of the eiffel tower. allison is smiling, i'm sleeping, jay is taking pictures. in the interest of saving 4 euros each ($6) we opted to climb the stairs instead of taking the elevator. 654 steps and we definitely felt the burn. 

Whilst eating meatloaf, i'm gonna post some pictures.

this is allison and jay in the stairwell of our hostel at 6am before our train to paris. it's really narrow. they're pretending to fall.

this is the french countryside. 

so we take the 9am flight from LAX, we get to london, heathrow at 6am the next day. this is the kensington district, across the st. from our hostel.

Our first day of sightseeing!

see what jay's eating? it's a SANDWICH!!! A normal daily sandwich, but IT WAS SOOO GOOD! maybe 'cause it was so cheap, but man, those things were good, esp. when they were on sale for half off. some flavors: BLT, bacon and chicken, egg and cress, ham and cheese, other stuff that were really good. i preferentially ate bacon and whatever combination.

that behind us is the milennium wheel, and the thames river. to our left which you can't see in the picture is the westminster bridge. right in front of us (which you can't see either) is the big ben. provided for orientation purposes.

since the houses or parliament was where serious things happen, we tried to be serious.

this is our hostel. Ace Hostel in west kensington is pretty nice. I esp like these ikea-like beds. they also played British MTV which was fun.