Graduation

So my graduation is tomorrow. I haven't given it much thought. I haven't given anything much thought these past couple of weeks.

Berkeley has become a familiar place. Almost home. People, faces that have been every day sights will now be gone and I'll have to adjust to a new world that is pharmacy school and san francisco.

These past few weeks have been tough. I'm trying to keep back the tears as I write this, but you know how it goes, I do cry a lot. And i'm tired. I tend to be more moody when I'm tired.

In these past four years, people have come and gone. I've made bad decisions and good decisions. I wish I could have invested more time in people, built deeper friendships instead of squeezing in that last hour or so of studying because that doesn't do anything. I've been the happiest I've ever been, I've been the lowest I've ever been and I've been hurt the deepest.

With everything that's going on, I can't help but wonder what God really has planned. This past week, I've been clinging on to the promises of Love and Security because it brings the most comfort to someone who feels broken. I've been humbled to the point where I feel so week, there's nothing I can do and only Christ Jesus can give me the strength to get out of bed every morning, get dressed and go be a functioning part of society.

There are so many memories attached to this place, I don't want to leave. But that's life. Things change. People change. I've changed.

I cling onto this Unchanging God that we sing about. Every day, I wake up in the morning with thoughts and fears, but somehow God uses these to draw me closer to Himself.

When you feel weak, and you feel worthless, like a little worm that can be squished, know that there is this Ultimate God who's going to protect you who loves you.

I will cherish the people in this time/place, but at the same time, I have to force myself to look forward. Let the past lessions be a guide. Anxiety comes with thinking about the future, but I found myself while going to the City to look for a place to live an exhilarating sense of excitement and anticipation.

I feel like a reed on the shore. The wind breaks me down, but at the same time, the waters bring sustenance, the sun gives me reason to grow and now, one stem has died off and another is growing. It hurts and I don't know how my new apical meristem is being shaped, but there's something there. Eventually it'll become something that will be blown by the wind, fed by the water and grown by the sun. But my roots will be deeper and I can withstand stronger winds.

I just realized how poetic that is. Sorry to break the mood. But I'm tired and I need to pack. Looking forward to some soul food tomorrow.