I said yesterday that my chances of going home are say 75%. Well, they're not anymore. I just got an offer from Walgreens yesterday, so now the decision should be made somehow.
There's gotta be some systematic way of doing this.
I started a list or pros and cons, but it's making the decision very difficult. One thing is I don't know what I want and I'm having trouble leaving home.
Yesterday night I had a pretty bad bout of homesickness that resulted in David consoling me with tissue. There's something about growing up that's so inherently scary, i've put off thinking about it and dealing with it. EVERYONE grows up, I'm not sure why it's hitting me so hard.
But at the same time, wow, I'm so thankful and I feel so blessed that I've had this life/childhood that's been so good. Yeah, that's a major issue of thanksgiving. Too good to have trouble letting go of it. This is the same struggle I have with death. Life right now is too good, I don't want to let it go, so I'm afraid of death because I don't know what it's going to be like. That's one step beyond growing up. I suppose I should think about growing up first and then when I've grown up, death is the next thing to think about.
I was always called the baby of the family. (baby=spoiled). And I've had this mindset until now and it's being challenged. The prospect of not being babied anymore. It's been suggested that I go into pediatrics. Why? Because I'm a child at heart. I talk like a child, I act like a child and I react to situations like a child. We're told to have faith like children. But we're also told to be gentle like doves.
But the thing is growing up shouldn't be this ominous process where you're throwing yourself at the mercy of society without any help or anyone to advocate for you. There is still support. I'm not alone.
The thing is, I shouldn't even be worrying about this if I'm trusting that God has everything under control. Jesus is our advocate.
"For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." Hebrews 2:17-18
Decision pending.
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1 comment:
hi roz-
I completely understand what you are talking about, coming from another baby of the family. It is sometimes so hard to learn the idea of growing up, but I'm definitely being challenged in it many ways and I'm glad you are too. But yeah, both of us surely have been blessed beyond measure.
I'd be very happy if you stayed up in the bay area this summer and since i'll be 21, we can go clubbin:) I even have a heh "clubbin" shirt I just bought. haha I know, I'm dorky.
Miss you and love you roz.
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