Cursory Reflections

Seeing as another quarter has passed and another year of life is coming to a close, it'd be interesting to take an inventory of what's happened this past year/quarter.

Abstract:
This year as been an amazingly productive, heartwrenching, happifying, life-changing action packed year.

Background:
Each year, God has made things increasingly harder. I constantly find myself looking back on elementary school, junior high, and high school with fondness and realize that those were truly innocent days, although at the time they were so serious and stressful. If only me (then) knew what was going to happen to me (now). But with all the nonstop-ness, I'm learning how to treasure these times of nothingness (spring break) where I can sleep 11.5 hours and do brainless stuff like clean my parents' fridge (by eating and physically removing things that look old and questionable).

Methods:
This year I...
1) celebrated my 22nd birthday on another continent. :)
2) ended a ~2.4 year long relationship
3) graduated from college
4) went to china and thailand
5) counseled at ysc for the first time
6) moved to san francisco in search of a new life/community and found it. :)
7) started pharmacy school
8) started dating David. (aka mr. smooth)
9) learned how to find new friends and keep old ones. (but still not the best)

Results:
I've effectively survived.

Discussion:
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

God of hope - what comfort knowing that we believe in a God of hope. how crappy would it be to believe in something that would provide nothing but meaningless randomness and oblivion as the end result.

fill you with all joy and peace - this is what the good stuff is made of when crunch time comes. i constantly find myself losing all joy and peace when i'm tired and stressed. it's a result of the sinful flesh, the selfish sinful wretch that i am, the part that I have not yet chosen to let go to God, even though I know in my head that it would reap a millionfold of good things maybe not now, but i the future. joy and peace. that's the stuff. stay away from the crystal meth, the alcohol, the sex, the money. it's joy and peace.

trust in Him - i've become impatient. i want things certain right now. that leaves little room for trust. Come to think of it, things are so paradoxical. you let go, relinquish control over something so it will turn out for the better. isn't that counterintuitive? It is if one is thinking under the paradigm that "I am master and can accomplish all." Well, this is something i've been constantly broken by: GET OVER YOURSELF. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL. WHAT LITTLE CONTROL YOU HAVE IS NOT YOUR OWN ANYWAY. Sorry that came off so harsh, but there's good news at the end. Let go to gain something so much greater than yourself. Let go in trust. it's so easy to rely on someone or something that you can control. but after failure, how will i trust myself anymore? better to trust in Someone that never fails. someone that knows all and can do everything, Someone infintely wise. Easy to think, hard to follow through and live it.

You may overflow with hope: overflow. how great it is to think that we have this infinite resource. so much that it will overflow. in trust, God's joy, peace and (if I may add grace and mercy) will be manifest in us and OVERFLOWING. what does that mean? it is sufficient for me and enough to give to others. God has taught me a lot about my own selfishness. I take a lot expecting that others will freely give. it's not about accepting, it's about the expectation that someone else will give it. the fallacy? I think I am deserving of others' good will, of the patience that other people give when in reality I am not. Tapping into God, abiding in Christ who is the vine will (in a slow process) for one get rid of the expectation that we are deserving of all good things and give enough for overflow. enough for those around us.

By the power of the Holy Spirit: Not to us, but to Your name be the glory. the Holy Spring can do exceedingly beyond what we ask or imagine. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" Ephesians 3:20. Our salvation is embedded in Christ and the Holy Spirit comes to fill us with power. It's one thing to empty ourselves, the finishing touch is making our lives a home for the Holy Spirit to dwell. Instead of a garage sale home, make it a crate and barrel home.

Further research:
This was written AFTER tests, AFTER stress and AFTER pms. How feasible is it to try these things and to think these things DURING everything? We'll see.

Reference:
Chu, R. J of RTOTW. http://outofdableu.blogspot.com. Published March 18, 2006.