Currently Reading: Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Current Location: VLSB Library computing center

Current Weather: BEAUTIFUL!!!! Blue sky makes me so happy. I heard it was raining last week. Sorry guys.

Current Mood: Nostalgia.

I think I'm going to make it a point to sleep early and wake up early. Yesterday night I slept at 10:45 and woke up at around 7:15 this morning. It felt good. Maybe because I woke up to the sun shining in my face and it totally set my circadian rhythm. But its a good habit to get into I suppose. Someone told me that people our age get the most rest from 11pm-2am. Maybe that's it. Who knows.

Transparency

I guess you could say my social ineptitude (if that's even a word) has stunted the breadth and depth of self disclosure to the people around me. I feel as though writing for the purpose of people reading is so much easier and I can express myself without stuttering or getting frustrated at myself for saying something stupid or not expressing myself correctly. In writing, there's some (pause for 15 sec) editing and thinking where I can think of the perfect word of phrase and I don't have to worry about wasting someone else's time.

I feel like when I call people or IM people, they're usually busy and expect me to have a specific agenda, but sometimes its just to talk and I don't really know how to express that so I make up an agenda on the spot. Most of my phone conversations last on average 5 minutes, not usually enough time to get to the meaty stuff.

There are some situations where I can be alone and feel comfortable. Like eating. I'm totally comfortable with eating by myself. Someone commented on that a couple years back and now that its passed, I can still comfortably eat by myself. I can't be alone at night. It's a fear thing. I used to be afraid of the dark. Now, it's a fear of not being safe. It was nice to have someone there, even if that person leaves after I fall asleep. I dunno why.

But, its always nice to have someone around. Someone that you don't mind being stupid/crazy/messy/unkept around, and someone you don't have to impress. It's nice to share the stupid things and the mundane things where you're in a place where you're totally comfortable with yourself and the other person (even though you have a hard time maintaining eye contact). It's nice to celebrate the small victories with another person like "Guess what! I found the PERFECT apartment today!" Or "DUDE, I got a pair of pants for 7 bucks." Stuff like that. Everyone should have someone.