if you get this.. blogger is cool, but it hasn't been cool for the past month so i changed to xanga.
Here's the Xanga
Monday, 7 April 2003
Thursday, 3 April 2003
back from boston on sunday. in the swing of things...
so my ochem professor just for kicks wants us to look nerdy in public by saying we should talk about pericyclic reactions and 6pi rotations or whatever in public and actually do hand motions. i look nerdy enough already...this is gonna put me over the edge.
so my ochem professor just for kicks wants us to look nerdy in public by saying we should talk about pericyclic reactions and 6pi rotations or whatever in public and actually do hand motions. i look nerdy enough already...this is gonna put me over the edge.
Tuesday, 25 March 2003
Monday, 24 March 2003
Sunday, 23 March 2003
Wednesday, 19 March 2003
Tuesday, 18 March 2003
Friday, 14 March 2003
a broken heart.
i think i've been thinking a lot about how God can break me and it's come to a climax while brushing my teeth. (odd i know, but my mind isn't satisfied with JUST thinking about teeth brushing).
i've realized how inconsistent i am. how inconsistent people are. there's the humdrum of life that's somewhat constant, but not all the time. it's a routine but apathetic... there's no real purpose to my studying or chasing my dreams of pharmacy only to get a steady secure job, to raise a family, get a good retirement, good life insurance so when i die my kids will still be ok.
i think God has really broken me in the sense that i am sooooooo not consistent and i sooo contradict myself that most of the time i'm a flaming hypocrite walking around. for contact evangelism (random evangelism as some people describe it) i go around talking to people, trying to intiate conversation about Jesus and yeah you should put your faith and trust in Jesus, but am I really doing the same thing? i think there are a lot of things that I can work on. In a way it's really encouraging because i have a goal to reach towards and a struggle to overcome, but how much of it is me? how much can I do because i've been so inconsistent thus far? i hate the feeling of being idle and yet i feel burnt out at the same time. i feel as though i'm not doing anything, but lately i've been feeling so tired. i've been really really missing home and wanting to talk and pray with my mom 'cause she understands a lot because well... half of my genes are from her. great.. i'm starting to tear.
anyway, a lot of me wants to retreat into my own little bubble, nurse whatever psychological imagined wounds that i have and feel sorry for myself and maybe this is the product of that, but i know it's my job to be a servant, it's my job to Glorify God's name. I just don't want it to turn into like i'm just doing it because i should, but yeah. anyway i should stop.
i think i've been thinking a lot about how God can break me and it's come to a climax while brushing my teeth. (odd i know, but my mind isn't satisfied with JUST thinking about teeth brushing).
i've realized how inconsistent i am. how inconsistent people are. there's the humdrum of life that's somewhat constant, but not all the time. it's a routine but apathetic... there's no real purpose to my studying or chasing my dreams of pharmacy only to get a steady secure job, to raise a family, get a good retirement, good life insurance so when i die my kids will still be ok.
i think God has really broken me in the sense that i am sooooooo not consistent and i sooo contradict myself that most of the time i'm a flaming hypocrite walking around. for contact evangelism (random evangelism as some people describe it) i go around talking to people, trying to intiate conversation about Jesus and yeah you should put your faith and trust in Jesus, but am I really doing the same thing? i think there are a lot of things that I can work on. In a way it's really encouraging because i have a goal to reach towards and a struggle to overcome, but how much of it is me? how much can I do because i've been so inconsistent thus far? i hate the feeling of being idle and yet i feel burnt out at the same time. i feel as though i'm not doing anything, but lately i've been feeling so tired. i've been really really missing home and wanting to talk and pray with my mom 'cause she understands a lot because well... half of my genes are from her. great.. i'm starting to tear.
anyway, a lot of me wants to retreat into my own little bubble, nurse whatever psychological imagined wounds that i have and feel sorry for myself and maybe this is the product of that, but i know it's my job to be a servant, it's my job to Glorify God's name. I just don't want it to turn into like i'm just doing it because i should, but yeah. anyway i should stop.
Wednesday, 12 March 2003
HEY SYLVIA!!!!!!
oh my goodness we haven't really talked since like high school. hey i'm going to boston from march 26 and leaving on sunday 30 in the morning. do you want to meet up? it'd be fun to come and visit. e-mail me at rosalyn@uclink.berkeley.edu
ok i just gave my e-mail to the whole world.. but that's ok. yeah drop me an e-mail ok? :)
oh my goodness we haven't really talked since like high school. hey i'm going to boston from march 26 and leaving on sunday 30 in the morning. do you want to meet up? it'd be fun to come and visit. e-mail me at rosalyn@uclink.berkeley.edu
ok i just gave my e-mail to the whole world.. but that's ok. yeah drop me an e-mail ok? :)
Monday, 10 March 2003
Thursday, 6 March 2003
so i got my bio and ochem midterm back...
they were pretty satisfying even though i made some really stupid mistakes, though.
when these stupid mistakes happen i feel as though i could have worked harder and i pinpoint all the times that i was not on top of things while studying, which sucks because that just means i don't know when to STOP studying and just say I've worked my hardest because i'm always in the mindset of... how can I work harder. so am i gonna keep doing that until i die? hopefully not. it's a lot of matter of trust that i know in my head, but it's not engrained in my actions yet. dunno if that makes sense.
they were pretty satisfying even though i made some really stupid mistakes, though.
when these stupid mistakes happen i feel as though i could have worked harder and i pinpoint all the times that i was not on top of things while studying, which sucks because that just means i don't know when to STOP studying and just say I've worked my hardest because i'm always in the mindset of... how can I work harder. so am i gonna keep doing that until i die? hopefully not. it's a lot of matter of trust that i know in my head, but it's not engrained in my actions yet. dunno if that makes sense.
Friday, 28 February 2003
Tuesday, 25 February 2003
Thursday, 20 February 2003
duuuude. i really really really want to get into the darkroom again. printing is really fun. but, alas...nerdy roz is taking over and i have to study. maybe i can go into the studio this weekend and at least get the index prints for the processed rolls of film.
talked to my family yesterday night. it was cool...everyone pretty much just passed the phone around. i think i do that a lot. call and then ask to have the person on the other line pass the phone on to someone else. i talked to my dad, then my mom, then my dad, then my sister, then my dad, then my mom and then we hung up. fun stuff. i miss being at home, vegging, making hot pot stuff, washing clothes in our lovely washer and dryer, playing the piano, using the sewing machine, eating peanut butter out of the fridge or sorbet out of the freezer.
not to be selfish or anything, but i think i hoard sorbet. my mom and christina can attest to this. one time at home, i got a quart of cookies and cream ice cream and a pint of dreyers strawberry sorbet and i hid it in a bag so my dad couldn't eat it... because we both have a habit of just eating spoonfuls of ice cream at a time.
anyway... that's what i miss about home.
talked to my family yesterday night. it was cool...everyone pretty much just passed the phone around. i think i do that a lot. call and then ask to have the person on the other line pass the phone on to someone else. i talked to my dad, then my mom, then my dad, then my sister, then my dad, then my mom and then we hung up. fun stuff. i miss being at home, vegging, making hot pot stuff, washing clothes in our lovely washer and dryer, playing the piano, using the sewing machine, eating peanut butter out of the fridge or sorbet out of the freezer.
not to be selfish or anything, but i think i hoard sorbet. my mom and christina can attest to this. one time at home, i got a quart of cookies and cream ice cream and a pint of dreyers strawberry sorbet and i hid it in a bag so my dad couldn't eat it... because we both have a habit of just eating spoonfuls of ice cream at a time.
anyway... that's what i miss about home.
Wednesday, 19 February 2003
I really like darkroom photography. My first print ever is an 8x10 picture of a tree. It's one of them big trees from the Santa Cruz Mountains. There's a lot of things wrong with the picture like how the top of the tree is out of focus and how there's too much light at the base of the tree and there's this dark line at the left edge, but I'm still very satisfied because this was a picture I saw all the way through from taking it (sorta), processing the negatives and printing the film. Photography is expensive but with you have worth it prints, it makes up for the time and money. they're from the heart and there's that cliche that everyone uses "a picture is worth a thousand words"
Thursday, 13 February 2003
Pharmacy School Rankings.
UCSF is my dream.
USC is in the work-up, too.
UCSD is sadly not accredited yet.. but that's OK!
UCSF is my dream.
USC is in the work-up, too.
UCSD is sadly not accredited yet.. but that's OK!
Wednesday, 12 February 2003
Monday, 10 February 2003
hm... i wanted to blog about something...
OH... here's a website that might be of interest. Berkeley Blitz
there was something else...
it was something funny, too. stink. that's ok. if it's important, i'll remember it.
OH... here's a website that might be of interest. Berkeley Blitz
there was something else...
it was something funny, too. stink. that's ok. if it's important, i'll remember it.
Wednesday, 5 February 2003
it's been about 1.15 semesters since i've had 8 oclocks every day. yeah i think i complain about it a lot, but now i'm starting to appreciate the level of productivity my life has come to since waking up at 8:00. Getting a full night's sleep is essential and it's been good. i have time to do things like take pictures and study and eat (which is probably the only thing i've been doing this semester).
SFC retreat:
It was a really good spending time in a place concentrated with SFCers. We all have our own little lives and sometimes they cross on AIM or on Fridays and Sundays, but I think this retreat united us in a way that can't be done any other way. People were open and honest in our small group, in conversation, at campfire, during worship practice. When you're in such a concentrated area with the same people you can't help but notice everyone's habits, everyone's demeanor (sp?) and challenge their thoughts and way of life. I thought a lot about how this semester is comparing to last semester, how am I going to use my time since there's not that much of it, what kind of friendships am I going to make, maintain... maybe even break sad as that sounds.
I was really encouraged by Pastor Harrison's statement about surviving vs. really getting out there and thriving. Before I came to college, my youth pastor, Byron said that same exact thing. Are you going to just survive or are you going to thrive and make a difference for Christ. I've grown a lot since college started, changed some but am I really making a difference?
SFC retreat:
It was a really good spending time in a place concentrated with SFCers. We all have our own little lives and sometimes they cross on AIM or on Fridays and Sundays, but I think this retreat united us in a way that can't be done any other way. People were open and honest in our small group, in conversation, at campfire, during worship practice. When you're in such a concentrated area with the same people you can't help but notice everyone's habits, everyone's demeanor (sp?) and challenge their thoughts and way of life. I thought a lot about how this semester is comparing to last semester, how am I going to use my time since there's not that much of it, what kind of friendships am I going to make, maintain... maybe even break sad as that sounds.
I was really encouraged by Pastor Harrison's statement about surviving vs. really getting out there and thriving. Before I came to college, my youth pastor, Byron said that same exact thing. Are you going to just survive or are you going to thrive and make a difference for Christ. I've grown a lot since college started, changed some but am I really making a difference?
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