Lifestyle Changes
Is it wrong to be ambitious? The thought occurred to me today that the line between being hungry for pride, money and prestige and pressing on towards the goal and being disciplined is very fine. I suppose for some people it's much easier to distinguish, but it's something I've been thinking about a lot. A lot of people want a good job, money for security, a comfortable life. Those are things I want, too, but there's so much more I want now. I was telling my team leader a month ago that I want to accomplish all these things. I have a lot of dreams, a lot of ambitions. Some of them include getting married, earning a pharmD, having children and raising them well. Some were going back to China regularly and making a difference in their healthcare system and other career/health related ambitions. In the Psalms somewhere, it says that without God willing it so, the builder builds in vain, the night watchman watches in vain. In a sense, I never ever want to be satisfied with myself but at the same time to be completely content with the circumstances God has put me in and the salvation and identity I have in Him.

During the trip, my most cherished times were spent with God in my quiet time. This was one of those times at a Starbucks in Chiang Mai, Thailand. When there was time, I spend time in the morning and evening in prayer and it's something that I didn't want to lose coming back. But I'm realizing now that life here carries with it so many distractions. There's so much to think about, so much to do. I've been wondering today if I've made any significant changes in living after the trip. There's a lot of words that I regret saying and there's still a lot of things that the Spirit can do to change me. One thing that I want to cherish is that precious time alone with God. To completely calm my heart and rest in the comfort of the Father. For someone who hates to be idle, that's tough, but somehow it happened during the trip. It can happen here, too and it should. I was talking to a friend and telling her that I was going to thread my eyebrows today. 2 seconds after I said it, I realized how vain it was to pay money for someone to pull hair out of my face. The money doesn't need to go there. It can go somewhere else that's more productive. Looking at my room, I realized how much I have and how little I treasure. One of these days, I'll have a list of what I treasure but I can say right now that the things I treasure can't be bought with money. Apartment hunting this past week, I was thinking, what would I say if I meet these people again. Would I share the gospel with them? Why not share the gospel now? Is it appropriate? I want to be intentional in all my relationships (not the dating kind, but in all contact with people). I want to be used by God to encourage and serve people wherever I am. If it means sharing the gospel, if it means praying, if it means just sitting and being there, here I am. Just like how Isaiah's posture in Isaiah 6. This is what I want.