Hi :)

i got this badboy in the mail today

yup. let the residency interviews, project doing, wedding planning, graduating from pharmacy school continue and let the boards studying commence!


;alsdfj aldksfj ;asldfkj ::pulls hair out::

Bring on the ice...

this is for everyone who's curious about the bling. yup. it's oval cut.
And that's a glass of Charles Krug pinot noir. Some pretty freaking good wine, dude.

Perspective

For a few years, now... I run up this hill every once in a while. It's about 7 flights up stairs up to this park called Grand View. From the bottom, it's nothing special, really except for maybe the graffiti that litters the walls. A lot of times after getting up the third flight of stairs after running up to the stairs from my house I think "why am i doing this? it's so hard." And yet I press on towards the goal... almost heavenward. But when you get to the top...the climb is worth it. The pacific ocean to the left, golden gate park and golden gate bridge straight forward, downtown and the bay to the right.

I come up here for perspective. To get away from the mess, the emotion, from everything that seems to be going wrong. When I'm up here i feel small in a big world. It puts me in my place and everything is right. I'm constantly reminded of the power and majesty that my Creator has and that there's nothing to worry about.

Now, I have more of a reason to love that place. I can share it with someone. From that moment on, I pledged my life to a man whom I trust, someone to stand beside and who will make that run to the bottom of the hill and climb those 7 flights with me. Everytime I think about it, I'm overwhelmed with love. There's someone who loves me and who's willing to share in these things like this little park on top of a hill.

On Saturday, with #9 clues in hand, a handful of roses and full of expectancy, I once again climbed those 7 flights of stairs to find Gabriel up there waiting to share this moment with me. My eyes kept scanning the top of the hill looking for him. When our eyes found each other, I know this was it. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this one person. I can't imagine sharing this place with anyone else. Especially with him, especially here, everything is right.

I love you. :)

five more days

it's been six weeks since my last post.

haven't posted simply because i had no time and didn't have anything interesting to post, or my posts would have gotten me kicked out of pharmacy school.

five more days and i'll have my own thoughts again.

dude

FIVE MORE DAYS OF ORTHOSURG LEFT!

5 days, and it's party time.

Imperfection

This rotation has taught me to accept imperfection.

My friend told me that this rotation will force me to not be a perfectionist. And to be honest, it absolutely has. As painful as it is and as much as I hate it, i'm learning.

Mistakes are bound to happen. And when they do, the right thing to do is NOT condemnation. I can't beat myself up everytime I make a mistake. I've been doing that and it doesn't work. But yesterday while running... (i feel like I get so much clarity when I run and it's just me and my ipod), I was reminded God's grace covers me. I will make mistakes and I'm messed up. But things are finished and I'm given grace.

Perhaps if I make a fatal mistake in the hospital, I won't be given much grace, or if I'm a licensed pharmacist, but that's ok. Learning to deal with it.

this is for all those RGP contact wearers out there

Recently I bought a bottle of Boston Simplus solution. It's marketed as a one bottle, one-stop shop for all of my contact cleaning and disinfecting needs. It cleans, disinfects, cushions and even removes proteins from my precious contacts. What goes through my head is... three bottles whittled down to only one bottle needed? psshaawww... i'm in.

Little did I know that my eyes and my poor little contacts don't like boston simplus. They're better than the target or walgreens brand generic solution, but i have high maintenance eyes that require Boston Advanced Solution, cleaner and enzymatic protein remover. that's three bottles at $10 each compared to one bottle at $15. what princesses.

so LISTEN TO YOUR EYES! if you find yourself using a new type of solution and you feel more discomfort, go back to what works. It's so distracting to have uncomfortable eyes and having to blink and fix the contacts all the time. People think I'm not doing too well.

BAH!!!!

I want to:

scrapbook

go to sleep after sunset and wake up after sunrise

be able to show my cousin all the "secrets" of san francisco

bum around

Homemade

Today I went to: the first annual Renegade Craft Faire in san francisco.

There were a bunch of booths selling anything from recycled journals from old books, to homemade posters and jewelery to my favorite: letterpress cards. I ended up buying three sets of cards and a nice smelling candle for my room. These homemade fairs are pretty addicting and it infuses me with creativity that I wish I had to make my own jewelery, soap, silk-screened t-shirts and even coats. Everything there was really cute and very modern. With the advent of YouTube and blogger, this "DIY" universe has taken a whole new meaning when individuals unleash their creative side and start a full on mercantile business that's all their own. That's pretty cool.

Numbers

My new orthosurgery rotation:

time to report to the hospital every morning: 5am

hours worked on monday: 14

total hours this week: 50 in 4 days.

July 4th weekend:

all you want to eat potluck at brian and jeff's

watching foggy fireworks with christina and buddy

fillmore jazz festival - meeting up with pat, brian, jeff, ken, angela

walking around sipping bittersweet chocolate mocha, looking at photos, art, shopping and listening to some awesome jazz on a beautiful sunny day in san francisco.

the weekend after my first week of orthosurg is turning out to be pretty awesome and it's only saturday. :)

Stop and Stare

I recently got a shipment of CDs from BMG music and what's currently playing? OneRepublic.

yup.

Anyway, I just finished another 6-week block on the liver transplant service. Why am I blogging at 7am on a Sunday morning, you ask? I'm training to wake up at 4:30 to get to the hospital by 5am for the infamous Orthosurgery rotation which starts tomorrow.

I've had a lot of thoughts these past 6 weeks about work, life and the future and I suppose this is one of those soul searching entries that should probably be in my private journal, but whatever. Public self revelation is the best, eh?

I'm learning how to speak up, how to slow down, how to function on a global schedule that I don't really make on my own. In big groups, I'm usually reserved and I watch. It takes a long time for me to decompress and my mind starts racing when I'm stressed and when I had classes, I liked to stroll in 20 minutes late and sleep whenever I wanted, now on time is the norm and i'm hitting my bed by 9pm.

In the midst of all of that learning, I've failed to put God as the priority for the past 6 weeks. I was functioning with the impression of being constantly evaluated by my preceptor, my resident and friends. My behavior, my thinking, my words are evaluated and that was at the forefront. I've run dry and this past week, I've slowly gotten a few drops at a time of the well that God provides to keep me alive.

God has been gracious to Roz. Through all my sin, all the lies floating around in my head, Jesus stopped for me. Well not JUST me, but you know what I'm talking about.

Some people don't stop for others. When someone's hurting on the road, they pass through to do the next thing they need to do. But Jesus stopped for me. I forget that, even though I shouldn't.

Roz, you've freely recieved, now freely give.

anti-stalker

Someone on the UCSF network has googled my whole name and looked at this humble blog of mine. is it weird that i check who stalks me?

Also, someone in New York City with Windows vista.

and someone from Denali Software, but we all know who this is.

if you come to my website, i know your network, what kind of internet you have, your IP address, the type of program you're using, your resolution and from which website you came from.

who's the stalker now?! haHA...

i do this because i totally stalk people, too.

On Training Wheels

For the past 5.5 weeks, I've graduated from pouring over books and literature, studying for stressful tests to being able to somewhat contribute productively to society instead of leeching resources and knowledge from the brains of my teachers. Instead, I'm now doing (and still learning at the same time) and not getting paid for it. (..alas, the paycheck will come with the responsibility) Right now, I feel like I'm back when I was seven and learning how to ride a bike with training wheels. I don't have the risk of hurting myself or other people with my medication counseling, filling, checking, typing, recommendations. I always have a final check, a safety net that my preceptors have set up for me at work. hella easy, that's norcal speak for all of you socalers. I'm still getting used to the training wheels, gaining confidence with just the pedaling. I'm learning how to deal with demanding doctors, demanding patients, demanding colleagues.
The tricky question is what happens when the training wheels are taken off? I no longer have the check after me. After graduation, in about a year, I'll be the final check and I could have interns working under me. ooooo let's not pull on that string just yet.

I've learned that even if you have the perfect answer but respond timidly, people won't take it. In this culture (America or whatever western developed world you live in), confidence is i'd say 75% of it. You may not have the best answer, but if you say it confidently, darnit, people will listen to you. Coming from Ms. Timid, this has been a huge challenge. Sure I can be all confident on my own blog. shoot, but telling people what to take for their sickness? i... well,... you could try... yeah... try that. I'll mumble something and hope that it'll be right.

NO ROZ

Put your head up. Make eye contact. Smile. Say it with confidence. No one's gonna listen to someone who mumbles or stutters.

yes that's right. I'm talking to myself. maybe i'm talking to my constituency... whatever.

I'll end with something I say a million times a day: Thanks for calling Safeway Pharmacy, I hope you have a nice day!

Mid-20s

It's been more than a few weeks since my birthday, but I wanted to blog about turning 25.

There's this friends episode where Rachel is lamenting her situation as she turns 30 and Tag makes this comment: "I totally know how you feel, Rachel. I'm so freaked out about turning 25."

Rachel retorts with, "ok, get out."

I just thought that was pretty relevant because I just turned 25 and was thinking a lot about aging and birthdays.

Last year, I promised myself that this would be the best year ever and it actually turned out true. My 24th was the best year of my life I can say with a lot of confidence. Why? I think it was because it followed a couple miserable years and the contrast made this year so much sweeter. My relationship with my parents, my friends and above all, with God has changed. My default mood has been joyful and it just kind of feeds on itself.

I can now rent a car.

But the prospect of ever deteriorating fertility is this cloud looming over my head. Of course I dream of getting married and having kids, but I have to realize that it's all in God's timing. To be honest, I think about the perfect engagement, the perfect wedding cake and the perfect invitation for the least amount of money. I suppose girls think about that stuff, but I've learned that all of that is overshadowed by living in the present and enjoying the company and relationship I have now.

I can't worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries for itself. Today's worries include how and when I'm going to exercise, how I'm going to cook my Alfredo and egg noodles for lunch and what time I need to take the CalTrain. I gotta say, those aren't even worries at all. And i'm so thankful for the fact that God has been so good to me this past year.

Restaurant Reviews

Bistro Aix

We came here for my birthday (thanks guys!). I found this while browsing on yelp and I wanted to try a new restaurant with good food somewhere outside of the sunset district. The people in our party ordered braised pork pasta, ahi tuna, lamb chop steaks, and thin crust pizza. It was pretty good, but I was a little disappointed because I wanted to try the fixed price menu that they have for parties under 8 people. We all tried each others dishes and ooohed and aaahhhed at what everyone ordered. We ordered a bottle of wine from France. It went really well with my braised pork dish. One goal before I die is to know the basics of wine. To be able to tell the difference between a good wine and a bad wine and to know basic pairings of food/dessert with a specific wine. Right now, all I know is similar things flock together. White wine with white meat, red wine with red meat and sweet wines with dessert/chocolates.

Fresca

This place is HOPPIN'. This is a watering hole for young attractive young professionals to congregate, break bread and perhaps score a little. :P The restaurant specializes in Peruvian food from ceviches to paella. We had the paella and the pulled chicken stew with potatoes and egg. In one word each, paella: awesome, stew: mediocre. The paella had clams, mussels, scallops, fish, chicken, corn, peas, rice. It was SOOOOOO full of flavor. Yeah, pretty darn good dude. I want to learn how to make paella, but I probably won't be able to make it as well as this place, or Peru/Spain or any spanish speaking country. I'd go again to try the ceviches. The ambiance is pretty nice, although it's pretty crowded and you can't hold a conversation without raising your voice...so not a place where you want to talk. There were a lot of well-dressed people there. I was wearing jeans and a track jacket and felt a little underdressed, but oh well. It was a satisfying dinner nevertheless.

Briefs and Shorts

1) Turning 25 was surreal. more later...

2) I just spent 2 hours working on 2 pages of my scrapbook.

3) I've started a 40-hour lifestyle. And the kicker is, I'm paying tuition to work at Safeway

4) My orchid is blooming again and it makes me happy. :)

5) Home was awesome. Steve's, Guppy House, Sand Castle, Prince Caspian

6) No Country for Old Men is a FREAKY movie. Javier Bordem freaking earned his Oscar. shoot.

Show and Tell

For the Easter Weekend, we went on a marvelous trip to Yosemite! (my favorite place in the world). We got to...
Cross country ski. It's exactly like being on a nordic track. It gives you a ridiculous workout, but going downhill is so fun. Not so fun when falling, but gliding...so fun.
Hike to the top of Yosemite Falls. This is what we did on Easter Sunday. Had a little worship/bible study in the valley and set out hiking in the afternoon. It was a lot of climbing, but the view and the snow was fun to be around.
take a relaxing walk to Mirror Lake. It really looks like a mirror. It was so still and early enough that the mosquitoes weren't out yet. It was really beautiful.
Here's my art shot of the trip. I wish I could have improved the picture composition a little bit. I'll work on that the next time. But yeah this is one of my favorite pictures from the trip.
And of course, you can't forget the view of the valley. This is take from the south entrance tunnel. All in all... it was such a good way to celebrate Easter. :)

My Almost Perfect Day

So after a long-hard quarter, I have 2 weeks off. What does a girl do in San Francisco on vacation? See the sights! Today was such a perfect day to be outside, I decided to take advantage of it.

I rode around Golden Gate Park a little bit. Wandered around the DeYoung, Music Concourse and new Academy of Sciences building.

That's my bike in the foreground, but I think I broke her. :(

This is one of my favorite pictures. something about sun, flowers and straight lines makes for a really interesting picture.
This is a small memorial to the Holocause near the Legion of Honor. There are a lot of these scattered around the country (i.e. Boston, New York, LA, SF) and are reminders of a very powerful message that I can't shake out of my head.
This is a plaque commemorating the first Japanese consulate in San Francisco after World War II.
Picnicking with Good Luck Dim Sum and the Conservatory of Flowers.

Why was it an almost perfect day? I actually rode to the legion of honor because there was an annie leibovitz exhibit as well as the dead sea scrolls on display and it was CLOSED! Also, I wanted to get jook instead of shu mai from good luck dim sum, but that's ok. It was still good. All in all... almost perfect day.

Change of <3

It's been 19 years since I started school and I just finished my last class. Granted today wasn't really for learning, but still. It's kind of monumental that it was our last class ever. Needless to say that I've been complaining, griping, whining about not wanting to go to class or study that I didn't think about the fact that today is our last class ever.

This is what I read this morning:
Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. (1 Samuel 16: 7)

Popular verse, eh?
I didn't think of it when I first read it, but upon thinking about how the Lord looks into my heart, I was immediately convicted that it was most definitely *NOT* in the right place. I was just looking forward to the end so much that the thought had escaped me that I'm finishing. I had failed to consider that I've worked so hard in school for almost 2 decades that finishing well is paramount.

It's something that I prayed for forgiveness on the way to class. That these last three days of finals would be just that. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, a goal in sight. It's not just about the celebration that's to come, patting myself on the back at the end but the means of getting there. I ask for prayer from those who believe. That the Lord would look at my heart from now until Friday 4pm and be pleased with it.