Beware of pictures.

I have a midterm tomorrow, but I feel like I need to do this. A collection of things in the past year that have been big trips with the people I love. Therapeutic procrastination, if you will.

For some reason i REALLY like this picture. Taken in North End, Boston while visiting my sister and brother-in-law.

Helping out at my first health fair. Check out all those free samples. (San Mateo, CA)

this is one of the most beautiful sights i've ever seen in person. When I was in china, this is pretty much what we saw every day. Seeing stuff like this makes you want to hum "how GREAT is our God." Thinking about being overseas makes me joyful beyong measure.

This is me. A work in progress. we were on our long layover in Hong Kong and I saw this and thought, "cool." But yeah, i think this accurately describes me pretty well. English, Chinese and a work in progress.

look at how cute these kids are. Yup, i'm so proud of them and i love them so much.

This is my oldest and one of my best friends Jane. We've been through elementary school, jr. high, high school, college, boys, breakups, classes, graduating MCB together. I love you, Jane! :)

there's also something about this picture that I love. I think it's all the movement and yet the victory of samonthrace remains stationary. kind of cool. (Paris, France on a trip with Ms. Allison and Jay)

Go BEARS! I took this with Jay on one of our night shoots when I still had my nikon. I miss shooting with you, Jay and I miss being on campus. It really is a beautiful campus. (Berkeley, CA)

this is the SFC gathering at Venice Beach after Sean and Emily's wedding. Hanging out with these guys makes me also joyful beyond measure.

good times good times. :) Roomate spades anyone? haahaa (Praise Dinner 2004)

This is Christina. If i were a ruler and you were a rock I'd say "you ROCK, christina." and you'd reciprocate with "you RULE, roz" :) (Lake Tahoe, CA)

Older cousins from the Hsu side. sorry, some of them are married, but i know, I have attractive family, you don't have to say it. :) (Redondo Beach, CA)

So yeah this is all that has happened in the past... 1.5 years. It's been good.

community

Midterms never stop. Like seriously, they never stop.

At any rate, I've found a fellowship here on campus: Sonrise Christian Fellowship.

It's a really great community of brothers and sisters all students here having a thirst to study God's word and to know Jesus better.

The first couple of times I've gone, yeah, everyone was really welcoming. That's SO important and I felt like this was a place where I can serve and be challenged in my walk. The really cool thing about it is that we're all students and all working out our faith with "fear and trembling" in the context of being healthcare providers. Very cool.

Sonrise is pretty much the highlight of my week, every Thursday. :)

Wow

i'll say it again...

wow.

::hilarity::

Walking around the Sunset

This is one of my free saturdays and boy am I thankful for it. It was such a nice day yesterday that I decided to walk around the Sunset District with my handy camera. First stop: the pumpkin patch. So many little kids, made me want to take one home with me and bake cheesecake for them.

It's that time of year again. And in a week, they'll be selling Christmas trees in the lot across the street.

This was the first Saturday I could just explore without a schedule or concrete plans. I went to a neighborhood garden, shopped a little at the recycled clothing store (resisted buying anything! one small step for roz, one huge step for roz's self control), and stopped into a salon to ask how much for a haircut.


And it was such a beautiful day, i decided, why not just hop on the N and ride down to Ocean beach?

I would never be able to live in the midwest. There's something about living within 1/2hour of a very large body of salt water that is so soothing. I dunno, I relish in the fact that I can see the sunset and be able to feel sand between my toes and knowing that being out in the sun could give me cancer, but I go anyway. And they have SAND DOLLARS at ocean beach! All in all, it was a good day :)

an extra 3500 calories

due to a sedentary lifestyle and just constantly eating while studying, i've gained 6lbs in the past 2 weeks. It's harder to resist food.

Don't these look so good?
People who know me well know that I have an intense fear of double chins. I'm intensely afraid that I'll get one. I'm noticing the sizeable belly and butt that's accumulating on my frame. But still...food is hard to resist, especially cheezits, doritos, cheese, cereal, bean curd and noodles late at night. I tend to be more of a salty person than a sweet person. (don't be surprised if i have to get on one of those antihypertensives in the next few years).

THAT cooked up real nice would taste so good.

I've also noticed a significant increase in the number of pimples on my forehead. My face has become oilier than usual.

Funny that I start caring about these things now. I used to not care because they were never an issue. Now i do.

There're a lot of thoughts swimming around in this bowl of noodles of mine. Most of them are all about how insufficient and powerless I am. But in an instant, like in the elevator today, I thought about the Lord. I may be insufficient, disorganized, absentminded, weak, quiet, imperfect, flawed but God is not. He is sufficient, organized, omnipresent, strong and perfect. And because of that, I can smile, laugh and live.

Dang.

I was xanga stalking today and found THIS.

Totally threw me for a loop. You think that Christian romance books are warm and fuzzy (though i've never read one, just heard that they were). God has a heart for the nations and has a plan for those who actively seek after Him and His heart. There's something about answered prayer and stories about God (even if it's not about relationships although those are nice) that encourage me so much.

"So do nor fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I am SUPER NIKE WOMEN'S MARATHON MAN running for leukemia, lymphoma and hodgkin's disease! FEAR my RUNNING SHOES, FOIL CAPE and LASER STARE! [kindly sponsored by SFPD]

Procrastination reigns

here's what i did this weekend:
1) took a midterm
2) said goodbye to theron and shirley
3) caught up with sfc-folk, i love you guys.
4) wished katie a happy birthday
5) studied
6) got free stuff at a health fair (along with a krispy kreme donut, noah's bagel and a bottle of costco water)
7) had lydia come over and i got to practice my derm knowledge on her. (::warning hipaa violation::) It was atopic dermatitis.
8) saw mr. jeff wang finish a 26.2 mile marathon. congrats, you da man and no you DON'T run like a girl.
9) studied
10) GRX. it's starting to grow on me. every time i go, i'm so encouraged by the worship and the message. i'm all in. are you?
11) Met friends of a friend at Sunset who just got married a few months ago.
12) discovered (to my dismay) that my $20 abercrombie pants are now getting tight.

revelation: things may look good on paper, but you actually have to try it out to see if it fits. (apply liberally to different areas of life, prn [as needed])

Have a good week, everyone, and remember to try some pumpkin pie.

Let Go

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matt 6:19-21

"The Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it." Matt 16:24-25

"If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." Matthew 19:21

"Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all of them; for they all out of their surplus put into the offering; but she out of her poverty put in all that she had to live on." Luke 21:3-4

"So then let no one boast in men. For all things belong to you, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or things present or things to come; all things belong to you, and you belong to Christ; and Christ belongs to God." 1 Corinthians 3:21-23

"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them rubbish in order that i may gain Christ." Philippians 3:7-8

"For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either." 1 Timothy 6:7

"Now flee from youthful lusts, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22

"Come now, you rich, weep and howl for your misteries which are coming upon you. Your riches have rotted and your garments have become moth eaten...It is in the last days that you have stored up your treasure!" James 1-2, 4

I hold onto things too tightly. Freshman year in college a good friend challenged me with this statement: "If God took away the things most important to you, would you still be content in Him alone?" I couldn't answer him then and I still can't answer him now. There are so many things where I improperly put my heart: relationships, grades/school, shopping. A significant other, fiance, boyfriend or husband will die and I won't be buried with him. After I get out of school, grades will just be a letter on a piece of paper. Clothing, accessories, gadgets will break, tear and deteriorate with time. Perhaps I will never completely learn the fullness of this lesson, but it is so important. It's not just about being content with the things I have but realizing that all these good gifts come from the Father. Who is the INFINITE source of goodness, righteousness, holiness and love. Contentment and realization should lead to sacrifical giving. Instead of loving that special boy, sacrificially love everyone, especially the unlovable. Instead of buying that next purse or cute shirt, give that money to the church or sponsor a child. Don't blow off a friend because you need to study, that's just lame. This isn't advice for you (reader of blog), but reminders for me because I DON'T do these things and there are times when my heart DOESN'T feel like this. Almost EVERY fiber of my being wants to chase after that special boy, that 4.0, that really cute outfit.

And so the struggle continues. And it starts in the psyche. Where are my thoughts? Do I meditate on the promises of God or do I daydream about that dream wedding, or fat raise and nice car?

It's been a long day, but a good one. To everyone who isn't feeling well: Get better soon! May God bless your immune system that you'll be up and about. :)

Pharmacists, the other white coat...

We're like pork, the other white meat. We're not like chickens, but we sure bring home the bacon.

Check out the professional wear

they turned down the lights. It was very soothing, almost TOO soothing.

the parental units.

and Jen, my wonderful advisor! :)

In other news THIS is an interesting treatment of that fence we like to teeter on called the DTR.

You know it's fall when...

1) The Indian Summer (Bay Area)
2) School starts
3) The leaves start changing... so beautiful
4) you're in the mood for pumpkin pie, or playing in a pile of leaves.
5)
That's right! Those are pumpkin patches in the city! Brings back such good memories of the fall and playtime in the hay. :)
6) The morning is brisk, so you leave your house half asleep and you get to class fully awake.
7) people are starting to wear scarves and heavier coats even though it's not THAT much colder.
8) studying is fun. :) (but it's ALWAYS FUN!!!)
9) Squirrels start collecting things.
10) A breeze blows through the trees and a shower of delicate, red/yellow/orange leaves rain down on you.

Happy Autumn, everyone.

how can i do more?

It's been a busy week. But yesterday and today, we had the blessing to attend an AIDS conference. It made me think of the ominous question that I've thought about since someone said this a long time ago: "Pharmacists only do part of what doctors. Doctors have to know everything."
But since East Asia and especially today, I've questioned, what in the world can I do for God's glory as a pharmacist? I can't be people's primary care provider...I'm only in charge of people's medications.
Today, while we were watching a movie about the epidemic, I felt helpless because I know I won't be able to care for people like a physician would. Sure, I'll have 4 years of grad school under my belt when i graduate, but I won't have the training to go to someone and have the knowlege base to make decisions to help them feel better, to HEAL.
I've wondered, would I be move effective as a physician instead of a pharmacist? What part do I have in God's sovereign plan when it comes to missions and evangelism? I feel so strongly called to health ministries, but at the same time, I don't know what to do.
I see all the med students here, they're so talented and intelligent, they can do so much more than I can.
While walking home, I started crying. I want to make a difference, but at the same time, I felt like i couldn't do anything. Seeing a little girl who couldn't even undress herself because she had no muscles. She was so small and she was only skin and bones, literally. She's now dead because she didn't have any money for her HIV medication.
I'm reminded once again that being here isn't about me. it's not about making money or having prestige. It's about thinking outside of myself, having compassion. In fellowship we studied Luke 10 and the story of the good Samaritan. It's about seeing the world with Jesus' eyes, loving people with Jesus' love. I have this amazing gift, this love of Christ and this other gift, the gift of a graduate education, something that I feel so convicted to use. I hope God will do huge things in Health so I can be so blessed to witness it.

I tag....

20 facts:
1) i like mantou with cheese
2) i eat all my foods groups separate
3) i'm left handed
4) I want to perfect my homemade cheesecake in order to make it in various variations.
5) i think korean people are so much cooler. (dunno why, but i do)
6) i have an obsession with penguins
7) when something's broken or wrong, I'm not settled until it's fixed, usually by me or someone who can effectively fix it.
8) if i could eat one thing for the rest of my life it would be pork and preserved vegetable noodle soup.
9) i'm attracted to people who can play instruments or sing well.
10) i'm not used to the san francisco weather, it's COLD!!
11) I wish my sister and I were able to get closer earlier.
12) if i wanted to change something about me, it'd be my personality. i'd want to learn how to be a good conversationalist.
13) actually... i like cheese in general. and mantou, too.
14) i love love love being in pharmacy school.
15) God has a funny way of teaching me lessons. but it's cool. really cool.
16) dancing is fun
17) something in our kitchen smells and i can't figure out what it is.
18) we have a cushiony toilet seat and it bothers me
19) i LOVE savage garden (still)
20) a random man told me i have a beautiful smile. maybe i should smile more. :P

I don't know who to tag because I don't know who reads my blog. i'd be obsessed with checking a stat counter if i had one. who reads my blog anyway... whatever, rhetorical question, you don't have to answer. :P

Because I don't want to study

Memories. :)

Salem, MA

In the spirit of procrastination, check out this beautiful piece of european engineering, starting at ~23K.

Are you Regular?

This morning, I was reminded of a conversation I had with my mother in early elementary school. It went like this:
Mom: Have you poo-pooed today? (Translated from Mandarin)
Roz: No.
Mom: You need to go. It's not good for you if you don't go.
Roz: But I don't need to.
Mom: You should designate a time every day to go #2, then you can get into the habit of staying regular.
Roz: But what if I don't need to go?
Mom: You should still go every day.
< insert span of time here >
Narration: So I go to the encyclopedia that my parents ingeniously bought for our family and look up the digestive system. AHA!! I read that fecal matter can remain inside the large intestine for up to 2 days.
< insert more time here >
Roz: I don't have to go because my food is still in my large intestine and it can stay there for up to 2 days.
Mom: You still need to go because you eat every day.
Roz: (thinking) But what if my food moves more slowly? Then I wouldn't have to go to the bathroom today.

Yeah, my mom loves me because she cares about my regularity. :)

I AM - Nicole Nordeman

Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn’t always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed.
You watched my team win, and watched my team lose
Watches when my bicycle went down again.

When I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call you by name
And I said Elbow Healer, Super Hero, come if you can.
You said, I am.

Only sixteen, life is so mean
What kind of curfew’s at 10 pm?
You saw my mistakes and watched my heart break
Hears when I said I’d never love again

When I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call you by name
And I said Heartache Healer, Secret keeper, be my best Friend
You said, I am.

You saw my wear white by pale candle light
I said ‘forever’ to what lies ahead
Two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
Too much it might seem when it is at 2 am.

When I am weak, unable to speak still I will call you by name
Oh, Shepard, Savior, Pasture Maker, Hold on to my hand.
You say, I am.

The winds of change and circumstance
Blow in and all around us
So we find a foothold that’s familiar.
And bless the moments that we feel you nearer.

When life had begun, I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne.
Who can say when, but they’ll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home

I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call you by name
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and End
I am. I am.

This is how I want my life to be characterized.

Reflections from the first week
Sitting in the library going through an orientation. It gives a good chance to go online and do random stuff like update!

This past week has been really busy. Suppose it's a combination between transitioning from semester system to quarter system and being in grad school. On the whole, this pharmacy thing is really enjoyable. My classmates and I have gotten to know each other through socials, info-sessions, parties and class. I'm looking forward to more of them these next few years.

I LOVE MY APARTMENT! If you need an oasis away from the daily grind, my crib is open for studying, relaxing and general hanging out. I love to have people over and have arranged things to be as homey as possible. (and I have a gallon tub of green tea ice cream [thanks Low family!], a futon, wireless internet, music playing in the background [any genre] and a clean bathroom). Also, for anyone in SoCal, if you're female, you can stay the night if you want.

I have a lot of goals and vision for this first year like:
1) read a non-science book a quarter
2) start on my scrapbook
3) find a church/fellowship/community where I can serve
4) make new friends, keep in touch with old ones

huh... none of these relate to pharmacy.
At any rate, after the first week...there's been only time for the #3 and 4. Sorry, Fyodor and Eileen, I won't be able to finish your books by December.

Things have been a little uncomfortable just because there's so much going on and I'm trying to find "home" again. In the past few months, it's been almost completely redefined and it'll be a while until I find it again, hopefully in something worthy (i.e. God).

Classes are really exciting (except for Pchem [STUPID CHANG] and biostat). It's funny both of these classes I took fall of Jr. Year, my hardest semester at Cal. We're actually learning things that we'll carry with us into our careers. So if you have health questions, I might be able to answer them. If not, I'll send you to the right resource.

In addition to classes, there're a LOT of opportunities to get involved in the community and help with screenings and consultations. I'm really looking forward to getting plugged in because it's something that I've had a vision for since last year with regards to health fairs.

All in all, it's been a good week.

Hong Kong. 2 pictures into one panorama. Thanks Jay.

In memoriam

My sister and I were walking around North End and visited the old church where lanterns were lit for Paul Revere. There was this freedomg courtyard in the back and we stumbled upon a memorial for all the soldiers lost in Iraq and Afghanistan. I remembered hearing about Brian's death from some friends and it didn't hit home until I saw his cross.

North End, Boston.

These are one of the people whom I went to elementary school, junior high and high school with. I had classes with him and he chased my friends and I around at raging waters with a hose. I didn't know what to do except pay my respects for him and his colleagues and pray for his family and close friends.

It's funny how things turn out.

So my incoming class is 80% female. In 122 people, that's about 100/122 people who are female. Guys, if you're not in pharmacy, you're missing out.

Characteristics of the women:
Driven
Leaders
Outgoing
Approachable

If you're looking for these qualities in a future spouse maybe the girl of your dreams is one of my classmates.

In other news: check out the new IS.

Starting

It hit me today. All my dreams since junior high have come into fruition.

1) I couldn't be anymore excited
2) I couldn't be anymore intimidated

At the same time, I couldn't be more thankful for this awesome opportunity that the Lord has given me.

I can't believe I'm actually here.

New Place

So I've moved. Picture this: 2 carloads of stuff, my dad maxing out at 90 on i-5 north with a daybed, mattress bike and other random boxes jammed into a minivan. Cut to San Francisco today: pretty much settled in and excited to have everything cleaned up. I'm excited to see friends from Berkeley, especially at the thingything on Sunday.

Moment of transparency: In the next week, my dreams will have come into fruition. You'd think I'd be excited, right? When my mom told me I got in, THAT was the exciting part. At that moment, EVERYTHING seemed to align. God was good. God is STILL good and will always and forever be good.

To be honest, I'm scared. I'm scared of not finding a community here, i'm scared of being lazy and just retracting into this little hole I've dug for myself and not reaching out. I'm scared that, like junior year, I'll start crying and getting sick all the time.

But then again, I had a lot of fears going to college. And it just so turns out, if I got another chance to do everything over, I wouldn't change anything. Why? 'Cause God did some amazing things and I wouldn't want to pass those up.

So who knows, just need to take it a day at a time and trust that amazing things will happen.

In the meanwhile, here are some views of my room. This is mostly for you, jeh, since you can't be here.

This is my room.

This is the other side of my room.

Something to think about.

YinYu Tang, House dissassembled in the Anhui province of China, assembled at the Peabody Essex museum in Boston.

NOT a glamorous representation of my beloved avian species.

The person I came to visit. We felt like we were in a J.crew catalogue.

More J.crew catalogue action.

Sunset on the east coast.

YSC - Get Real August 14-19, 2005

We spent the week being challenged to get Real with ourselves, our faith and with God. Pastor Jerry Wong from SunsetSF spoke on selected psalms. After being a camper and counseling for the first time, this experience has been one of the sweetest challenges. Coming off a 6 week trip to Asia, I was tired. But somehow I woke up every day... early (as you can tell by the pictures) and somehow refreshed. Every day I asked God for His provision, strength and energy and every day I got it. I could see a bit of myself in high school in each of my girls. Some are going to college this next year, some are continuing high school. I pray that God will shape them into women after God's own heart and I feel so blessed to have been a part of that.

Shoutout to my girls - Tiff, Esther, Emily, Chloe and Katrina. :)

this is what the sunrise in Pine Valley looks like at circa. 5:45am

This is us. before sunrise, circa 5:30am.

I had forgotten what it's like to be in high school. It's only been four years, but being at YSC, it brought back so many memories. Some things are still the same, but some things are different. I guess each year, the dynamic changes due to the people and the culture that affects them. But yeah, it caused me to remember lessons learned and the friends that I made. YSC has been totally awesome as a camper (4 years back) and a counselor.

Mmmmmm....Food


On the weekends, people from the surrounding villages AND people in town come together for what we call a market day. They sell every fruit and vegetable known to man... in fact all kinds of things. You could buy anything from asparagus to shoes, as long as you know how to bargain. You know how smell is most associated with memory? There was a certain smell that will remind me of the marketplace. A mix of fresh vegetables and dried herbs and incense.

An example of the food. This is Yang Huo Guo (lamb hot pot). It was opened by Muslims so they didn't have any pork, but boy was it so good. And for 3 people, we totally dug into this monster. Speaking of hot pot. Those of you in the bay area. We must go hot potting. It is essential. And as Diddy said at the most recent MTV video music awards: "Anything can happen."

HA!!!!! I'm only 58% nerdy!!!!

TIC

Gotta love the language.

So this is the city center and down this whole pathway these people gave massages. They're blind, I believe. But it's a cool program especially for those who are sight impaired and I've been told was the blind don't have their sight, but their sense of touch is heightened which makes their massage skills so much better.

What was really encouraging was this program that helped hearing impaired individuals make a living. I was priviledged to visit their workshop and when I first walked in, the silence fell over us like a blanket. Besides the sound of a few sewing machines, there was no human voice at all. Here, those who were rendered deaf due to ototoxic antibiotics (that should have been banned but are still dispensed) created craftwork and pieces of art to sell so they can make a living. The intricate craftmanship was remarkable and their handmade everything was so beautiful.

I saw this in a commercial overseas and was subsequently amused for a full 4.5 minutes after that. It's called "Your Turn."

Lifestyle Changes
Is it wrong to be ambitious? The thought occurred to me today that the line between being hungry for pride, money and prestige and pressing on towards the goal and being disciplined is very fine. I suppose for some people it's much easier to distinguish, but it's something I've been thinking about a lot. A lot of people want a good job, money for security, a comfortable life. Those are things I want, too, but there's so much more I want now. I was telling my team leader a month ago that I want to accomplish all these things. I have a lot of dreams, a lot of ambitions. Some of them include getting married, earning a pharmD, having children and raising them well. Some were going back to China regularly and making a difference in their healthcare system and other career/health related ambitions. In the Psalms somewhere, it says that without God willing it so, the builder builds in vain, the night watchman watches in vain. In a sense, I never ever want to be satisfied with myself but at the same time to be completely content with the circumstances God has put me in and the salvation and identity I have in Him.

During the trip, my most cherished times were spent with God in my quiet time. This was one of those times at a Starbucks in Chiang Mai, Thailand. When there was time, I spend time in the morning and evening in prayer and it's something that I didn't want to lose coming back. But I'm realizing now that life here carries with it so many distractions. There's so much to think about, so much to do. I've been wondering today if I've made any significant changes in living after the trip. There's a lot of words that I regret saying and there's still a lot of things that the Spirit can do to change me. One thing that I want to cherish is that precious time alone with God. To completely calm my heart and rest in the comfort of the Father. For someone who hates to be idle, that's tough, but somehow it happened during the trip. It can happen here, too and it should. I was talking to a friend and telling her that I was going to thread my eyebrows today. 2 seconds after I said it, I realized how vain it was to pay money for someone to pull hair out of my face. The money doesn't need to go there. It can go somewhere else that's more productive. Looking at my room, I realized how much I have and how little I treasure. One of these days, I'll have a list of what I treasure but I can say right now that the things I treasure can't be bought with money. Apartment hunting this past week, I was thinking, what would I say if I meet these people again. Would I share the gospel with them? Why not share the gospel now? Is it appropriate? I want to be intentional in all my relationships (not the dating kind, but in all contact with people). I want to be used by God to encourage and serve people wherever I am. If it means sharing the gospel, if it means praying, if it means just sitting and being there, here I am. Just like how Isaiah's posture in Isaiah 6. This is what I want.

So How was your trip?

Something that really struck me was how intentional people were with their faith in a place that was so oppressive. The nationals and long term workers alike were smart about what they said and the setting they said it in, yet bold. They trusted God in everything, even getting out of bed every morning. There was someone whom I befriended named Shauna. She was born and raised where we served and a year younger than I. I should have asked her for her testimony, but she was one of the most on fire, willing and teachable people I have ever met. She had so much life and love, all the kids around her loved her and wanted to play with her from sun up to sun down. They didn't want to leave her side. We were on one of our walks one day and the little girls just pulled her on ahead and decorated her hair with flowers as if she were a blushing bride. She told them that Jesus loved them and took every chance she got to spread that love even to the adults. She would have headaches and other discomforts but her smile was infectious. You can tell that she isn't a slave to anything except righteousness. Every night she would watch sermons, one after another trying to learn as much as she could. She joined in our times of singing and wanted to copy down the words for "joyful joyful we adore thee" and "amazing grace." She served people in every chance she got, even if it wasn't asked for. I'm not sure if we'll be able to see each other again, but it makes me look forward to heaven because then I'll be able to ask for her testimony and hear about all the great things she's done for God's glory.

If you'd like to hear more stories like this I'm inviting people over for sharing in both SoCal and the Bay Area:
SoCal: Monday, September 5 at 8:00 at my parents' house
Bay Area: Sunday, September 11 at 7:30 at my flat in San Francisco

I'll have some good stuff like homemade cookies and maybe cheesecake if you're into food, but this is a time to thank you for partnering with me and to just spend time in prayer for those overseas. Let me know if you wanna come. :)

Reasons to go back
I'd have to say this trip is the most fulfilling trip I've ever been on. The Father put this here at the perfect time. I can't exactly put my finger on what happened, but something happened and it was very good.

Being in the countryside forced me to see what joy and contentment looked like without the distractions of internet, gap/banana/abercrombie, grades and stress. One of the long term workers told me, the more things you have, the less you treasure. The less things you have, the more you treasure.

So yeah, being asian allowed me and my other asian counterpart to wander around villages undetected whereas the other teammates who were caucasian were swarmed with men, women and children everywhere they went. Mix that in with zero personal space and we have the best people pictures ever. Unfortunately I was too dense to take any of them, sorry 'bout that.

We spent about a week in the first place. It looked like this. Then we hopped on a bus/plane and came here

This is the view from our guest house. See that lake? There's a lot of mud around that lake. Ask me how I found that out.

Curiosity.


The minute we step off the van to our first gig, there were more than 100 pairs of elementary school eyes staring at us. Partly because, well, they've never seen foreigners before. Curiosity, fear and wonderment accurately described the children's emotions as we de-vanned and unloaded our foreign luggage. There was no running water in this place, the school was surrounded by rice paddies (farmland) and the toilets were holes. We couldn't take a shower for a week, but when I saw these kids and their eagerness to learn and the beautiful creation that God had created, I can't help but forget all the discomforts and inconveniences to fall down and worship Him.

Guizhou, China

So check it, we spent our long layover in HK and this is what we found. Look familiar? Look at my Europe pictures. (sorry just wanted to share that. i'll be posting more interesting [and meaningful] pictures later)

Motley Crue of 5 people. Boy I'm gonna miss 'em.

Something that I don't want to lose after this trip:
Continually praying
Always open for opportunities to minister to others
Uninhibited, smiling-from-ear-to-ear joy
Cherished quiet times every day
knowing God's heart for the nations

God speaks through C.S. Lewis. The Problem of Pain is highly recommended.

Like it?

Consumer Culture

The rest of the summer is going to be really busy. Those close to me know that idleness isn't good for roz. I find myself wistful, I get lost in my thoughts and I go shopping.

I suppose it's a good thing to be idle. I've moved up from a size 0 to a size 2. Maybe I'll be back up to a size 4 or 6 in the next 6 mo.

I've decided what I want to wear for my wedding. No, I'm not getting married. That can't be farther on the horizon. But I've decided. My hair lightly waved with white ribbon wrapped around grecian style. The veil somehow attached gracefully, I haven't thought about it much. Wedding dress similar to reese witherspoon (haahaa, reese with her spoon, haahaahaa), with a strapless gown with delicate georgette/sheer shoulder straps almost like cap sleeves. An ivory instead of pure white (i'm dark and it fits my skin tone. plus I don't want my teeth to look yellow as a stark contrast to my dress). A-line skirt with a shorter train. Not satin. Perhaps silk so that it flows and shimmers. Not too full of a skirt, but slightly A-line, not sheathed. Maybe some ribbon embellishment (grecian style again) low around the waist joining in the bustle. 1.5-2in heels, a pair of shoes that I'd get on sale, something I'd be able to wear over again. Makeup, natural but accentuating the eyes more. Hair, less styling the better. I wouldn't want anyone to get their hand stuck in some styling goo in my hair. And this paragraph is more detailed than expected. Probably freaked some of the male species out, but whatever. I'm a girl, I think about these things, get over it.

I've always wanted to live in a house with hardwood floors and bay windows. There's a lot of those in San Francisco. goodie.

I'm really excited for the next 2 months. So many new memories to be made, so many opportunities to serve the God that has taken care of me. SO MANY PICTURES!!!!

July 1-Aug 12 Whirlwind trip overseas
Aug 14-19 YSC
Aug 23-30 Boston
Sept 15 The start of my career, the end of my social life.

You have questions about the site? Sometimes it's more than meets the eye. Take a closer look, click on the pictures, don't trust your first impression.

This is Sarah.

Notice the guy in the back, with the new euro glasses. That's Jay, those are his new glasses.

One of the reasons why I LOVE SoCal.

Third Street Promenade. Still bustling with activity on Saturday Night. We saw a monkey, a guy trying to get out of a straight jacket, the chinese dude from Kill Bill vol. 2 playing a wooden flute and an awesome singer who sang "Tears in Heaven" 

DISC Temperments


CS

What's that mean?
I'm compliant, correct
I'm stable, steady

Greatest Fears:
Rejection, loss of security

Weaknesses: Resists change, gets bogged down with details, needs clear boundaries for actions/relationships, holds a grudge; sensitive to criticism.

What's your temperament?

Spiritual Gifts

Showing Mercy

Purpose of gift: wise insight to care for those in need, not trying to save or rescue people.

Describing word: Caring.

What's your spiritual gift?

Everyone, this is Basil.

Basil, this is everyone. 

The Process

"In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith being more precious than gold which is perishable even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:6-9

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lackign in nothing." James 1:2-4

"And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should do." Colossians 3:12-13

"I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Nevertheless, you have done will to share with me and my affliction." Philippians 4:12-14

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far being all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eterna." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

No one asks to go through hard times. A voice in my head says, "Too bad, life is unfair, deal with it." Another voice in my head says, "You should just curl up with a good bottle of pills" And another voice utters these verses above. We don't ask for hard times, but these are the things, that refine, strengthen and put what meager lives we have into perspective. God has a way of stripping what idols we have and leaving us naked with our deepest fears only to rebuild what he created. Get rid of the flaws, and it shines all the more reflecting the light that's shone on it. Choose whatever cliche you want: diamond, jar of clay, sharpened arrow, product of a blacksmith, refined gold, it's all the same. A process that takes time. Something we have no control over, which ultimately leads to submission (even if kicking, screaming and crying occurs first). Greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible

These are the parents. And the '85 Honda Accord.  

My sister and I never called my dad "daddy." It was either "bah-bee" or "dad." He has a lot of other titles, too like elder, Mr. Chu, Uncle Sam, Aerospace Engineer. The past 30 years, his life has revolved around his wife and children. My dad's one of those people who will order too much at a restaurant if he's treating someone because he wants everyone to eat well and put his family up in first class because he can. Here's a story about my dad that's worth telling:
When I was at least 2, I'd leave my socks everywhere. It's a little annoying and forunately i've broken that habit of leaving socks everywhere. It got to the point where my dad got mad. It was frustrating and downright improper to have the "littler one" leave her socks everywhere. I remember standing at the archway that leads from the kitchen to the formal dining room. I'm standing in the kitchen and my dad is squatting on the marble. He has a ruler in his hand. He says to me in mandarin, "Roz, you can't leave your socks everywhere, its messy. You deserve to be disciplined." I'm never going to forget what he does next. He says, "I'm not going to hit you. I'm going to hit myself." And he slaps himself in the palm really hard with the ruler multiple times. At this point I'm crying and I never really understood why my dad did that until I got older. I love my dad, I love my family. They will always be the most important to me even though sometimes it may not seem like it. It's these actions, these stories about my dad that show the love of Christ and I am so thankful to be born in this family and blessed with such a father.

Happy Father's Day

Simple Pleasures
reading Real Simple in a lawn chair in the sun, actually sitting in a lawn.
Finding out that speakers don't need to be plugged in for them to work.
Playing/singing worship songs uninhibited by myself.
Surprise birthday parties. (happy birthday, lydia :D)
Trying to think of a name for a new computer. I'm thinking...Basil. mm.. basil.
When a shopper actually buys something from the yard sale(esp. if it's ugly).
Waking up totally rested and totally groggy after a nap.
Taking a picture of the parental units, lounging and perfectly content.
A negative TB test.
Listening to music, while sleeping. I love that.

YARD SALE
SATURDAY 18 June, 2005
MY HOUSE.
7am-12noon

LOTS of stuff on sale.
It's gonna be a yard sale extravaganza.

Currently Reading: Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Current Location: VLSB Library computing center

Current Weather: BEAUTIFUL!!!! Blue sky makes me so happy. I heard it was raining last week. Sorry guys.

Current Mood: Nostalgia.

I think I'm going to make it a point to sleep early and wake up early. Yesterday night I slept at 10:45 and woke up at around 7:15 this morning. It felt good. Maybe because I woke up to the sun shining in my face and it totally set my circadian rhythm. But its a good habit to get into I suppose. Someone told me that people our age get the most rest from 11pm-2am. Maybe that's it. Who knows.

Transparency

I guess you could say my social ineptitude (if that's even a word) has stunted the breadth and depth of self disclosure to the people around me. I feel as though writing for the purpose of people reading is so much easier and I can express myself without stuttering or getting frustrated at myself for saying something stupid or not expressing myself correctly. In writing, there's some (pause for 15 sec) editing and thinking where I can think of the perfect word of phrase and I don't have to worry about wasting someone else's time.

I feel like when I call people or IM people, they're usually busy and expect me to have a specific agenda, but sometimes its just to talk and I don't really know how to express that so I make up an agenda on the spot. Most of my phone conversations last on average 5 minutes, not usually enough time to get to the meaty stuff.

There are some situations where I can be alone and feel comfortable. Like eating. I'm totally comfortable with eating by myself. Someone commented on that a couple years back and now that its passed, I can still comfortably eat by myself. I can't be alone at night. It's a fear thing. I used to be afraid of the dark. Now, it's a fear of not being safe. It was nice to have someone there, even if that person leaves after I fall asleep. I dunno why.

But, its always nice to have someone around. Someone that you don't mind being stupid/crazy/messy/unkept around, and someone you don't have to impress. It's nice to share the stupid things and the mundane things where you're in a place where you're totally comfortable with yourself and the other person (even though you have a hard time maintaining eye contact). It's nice to celebrate the small victories with another person like "Guess what! I found the PERFECT apartment today!" Or "DUDE, I got a pair of pants for 7 bucks." Stuff like that. Everyone should have someone.

Currently Reading: Jonathan in the Middle Kingdom
If you are going to East Asia this summer, or EVER for missions, read this. A testament to God's work.

Finished Oryx and Crake. Very Orwellian. If you want to borrow it, I'll be happy to lend it out.

Currently reading A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis.

One thing that struck me... throughout the whole ordeal of his wife's death, he never EVER doubted God. He doubted people's abilities to console him and his own finite understanding of life and death, but he never EVER doubted God. That's something to strive for.

Project for Life

So many books, so little time.

Currently Reading: Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood
Wow, bio majors should read this. Margaret Atwood is an amazing story teller who knows her genetic engineering.

On another note, I saw this... its interesting.
“People who flit from relationships to relationship as their infatuations lead them aren’t really happy; they’re desperate – and they’ll never find what they’re looking for as they allow their desperation to bury potential life partners. There is no perfect “soul mate.” … There will be only sinner after sinner after sinner. But when you learn to accept and love one particular sinner over several decades, you can slowly build an alliance and intimacy that nothing else can match.” -Gary Thomas,
Devotions for a Sacred Marriage

How unconditional can you be when you're in a relationship?

And jumping on the Al Mohler Bandwagon (::cough:: mr. jeff)
this was addressed to the men: The Marks of Manhood

Roz's List of Love Songs

Please excuse the cheese and corn

1) True - Ryan Cabrera
2) Come What May - Ewan McGregor, Nicole Kidman
3) She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
4) The Reason - Hoobastank
5) Too Good To Be True - Lauryn Hill
6) Right Here Waiting - Monica (Richard Marx original)
7) Everything I Do, I Do It For You - Bryan Adams
8) Truly, Madly, Deeply - Savage Garden
9) I Do (Cherish You) - 98 Degrees
10) This I Promise You - N'Sync
11) I Need You Tonight - Backstreet Boys
12) Wherever You Will Go - The Calling
13) That's How You Like It - Beyonce
14) Head Over Feet - Alanis Morisette

Definitely not an exhaustive list, but yeah...
I'm not usually one to be sappy, but I love these songs. They're the sappiest, sappy love songs, but somehow, they're so good. I could listen to these almost all day. almost.